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You live in a room in the college hostel which has severe problems. You would like to move into another room and need your hostel super's permission for that. v.2

You live in a room in the college hostel which has severe problems. You would like to move into another room and need your hostel super's permission for that. v. 2
Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to request you to change my current accommodation arrangement in our college hostel and let me move into another room which is favourable for studies and pleasant to live in. I am Erica Garcia, a science major student in your college and I am residing in the college hostel. My room number is F-412 but I find it very challenging to live and study in this room. First of all, the room is very small to accommodate two students. Two beds and other necessary furniture in this room leaves no open space even and we hardly get space to walk or move in this room and because of that, we were hurt several times by the sharp corner of the iron beds. The lack of proper ventilation facility and the scarcity of the natural sunlight and fresh air is another big issue with this room. We are bound to use the light 24 hours a day. It’s quite suffocating and because of this, I am not able to concentrate on my study. Therefore, I humbly request you to allow me any other room where at least proper ventilation facility is present. I am hoping that you would let me move into another room, preferably to a large one, before my semester final in October. Looking forward to your positive response. Yours faithfully, Erica Garcia
Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to request you to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
accommodation arrangement in our college hostel and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
me
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
into another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
which is
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
for studies and pleasant to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in.

I am Erica Garcia, a science major student in your
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
college and
I am residing in the college hostel. My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
number is F-412
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I find it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
challenging to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
and study in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
to accommodate two students. Two beds and other necessary furniture in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
no open space
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
even and
we hardly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
space to walk or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of that, we
were hurt
several times by the sharp corner of the iron beds. The lack of proper ventilation facility and the scarcity of the natural sunlight and fresh air is another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
issue with this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
. We
are bound
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the light 24 hours a day. It’s quite suffocating and
because of this
, I am not able to concentrate on my study.

Therefore
, I
humbly
request you to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
me any other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
where at least proper ventilation facility is present. I am hoping that you would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
me
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
into another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
,
preferably
to a large one,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
my semester final in October.

Looking forward to your
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
response.

Yours
faithfully
,

Erica Garcia
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS letter You live in a room in the college hostel which has severe problems. You would like to move into another room and need your hostel super's permission for that. v. 2

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
230 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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