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You live in a room in a college where you share it with another student. You find it very difficult to study and work there because your roommate always has friends visiting. He/she has parties in the room and sometimes borrows your things without asking you. v.1

You live in a room in a college where you share it with another student. You find it very difficult to study and work there because your roommate always has friends visiting. He/she has parties in the room and sometimes borrows your things without asking you. v. 1
Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to inform you that I wish to move into a new accommodation next term, preferably in a single room, as I find my current sharing arrangement quite inconvenient. My roommate has made it harder for me to concentrate on my studies and I am hoping you would help me sort it out. Due to my roommate’s inconsiderate behaviour, I find it troublesome to live in my room, let alone study properly. For one thing, he has friends visiting him every single day, for another, he regularly holds parties and listens to music loudly. In addition, he often borrows my belongings without my permission. A few days ago he took a book from my desk and lost it which I borrowed from the college library. Due to his irrational behaviours, I find it challenging to concentrate on my studies and live peacefully. I am expecting your help to move into a room of my own, where I will be free from such distractions. I would be grateful if you could find a single room for me near the college campus from the beginning of next term. I will be always indebted to you. Yours faithfully, Richard Heer
Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to inform you that I wish to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
into a new accommodation
next
term,
preferably
in a single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
, as I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
sharing arrangement quite inconvenient. My roommate has made it harder for me to concentrate on my
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
studies and
I am hoping you would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
me sort it out.

Due to my roommate’s inconsiderate
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
it troublesome to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
alone study
properly
. For one thing, he has friends visiting him every single day, for another, he
regularly
holds parties and listens to music
loudly
.
In addition
, he
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
borrows my belongings without my permission. A few days ago he took a book from my desk and lost it which I borrowed from the college library. Due to his irrational
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
it challenging
Did you mean "concentrating"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'challenge' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to concentrate
on my studies and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
peacefully
.

I am expecting your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
into a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
of my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
, where I will be free from such distractions. I would be grateful if you could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
a single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
for me near the college campus from the beginning of
next
term.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
will be always indebted to you.

Yours
faithfully
,

Richard
Possible spelling mistake found.
Heer
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS letter You live in a room in a college where you share it with another student. You find it very difficult to study and work there because your roommate always has friends visiting. He/she has parties in the room and sometimes borrows your things without asking you. v. 1

Letter
  American English
6 paragraphs
202 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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