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You have taken a cruise on a holiday and have been disappointed with the experience. v.2

You have taken a cruise on a holiday and have been disappointed with the experience. v. 2
Dear Sir or Madam, I have recently taken a cruise provided by your company on a holiday in Belarus. But the experience was below standard. I am writing to bring your attention to this unsatisfactory experience that I had with the Rose Cruises on March 17, 2020. Regrettably, the boat was battered and small - contrary to what was advertised. It departed at least 40 minutes later than the scheduled time. Moreover, it was cold inside but when all the passengers boarded, the windows became drizzled due to poor ventilation, which made it impossible to enjoy the views. Furthermore, even though we were promised a private table, we could not find one and no one came forward to explain it! The place was so crowded that we had a hard time moving from one place to another. Enough service persons were not present and we had to wait around 30 minutes to get our breakfast which was served cold. This was a stressful experience for both me and my wife. I do not feel that is unreasonable to expect a full refund of the money paid to you following the misrepresentation of what Rose Cruises were offering. We expect, therefore, a refund of the full €300. Yours faithfully, Tom Behan
Dear Sir or Madam,

I have recently taken a cruise provided by your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
on a holiday in Belarus.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the experience was below standard. I am writing to bring your attention to this unsatisfactory experience that I had with the Rose Cruises on March 17, 2020.

Regrettably
, the boat
was battered
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
contrary to what
was advertised
. It departed at least 40 minutes later than the scheduled time.
Moreover
, it was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
inside
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
when all the passengers boarded, the windows became drizzled due to poor ventilation, which made it impossible to enjoy the views.

Furthermore
,
even though
we
were promised
a private table, we could not find one and no one came forward to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
it! The place was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
crowded that we had a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
time moving from one place to another.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Enough
service persons were not
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
present and
we had to wait around 30 minutes to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
our breakfast which
was served
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
. This was a stressful experience for both me and my wife.

I do not feel
that is
unreasonable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
a full refund of the money paid to you following the misrepresentation of what Rose Cruises were offering. We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
,
therefore
, a refund of the full €300.

Yours
faithfully
,

Tom Behan
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS letter You have taken a cruise on a holiday and have been disappointed with the experience. v. 2

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
209 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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