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you have seen and advertisement for a part time job at restaurant

you have seen and advertisement for a part time job at restaurant PRYap
Dear Sir/Madam, My name is Parita Patel and I saw an advertisement in "THE HERALD" newspaper about the part-time job opening in your restaurant. I am writing this letter to apply for the same. I would like to apply for this job because it is closer to my house so it will save up my time for other household chores. I would like you to consider me for this job as I have got relevant experience in this field. Firstly, I have worked as a full-time shift supervisor at Mcdonald's for 2 years. This not only makes me an excellent customer service professionals with a positive attitude but also an enthusiastic and responsible person. Secondly, I have been trained to take orders at the register and also on the tablet. I am very punctual and a reliable person. Finally, I can also help with ordering and looking after stat. Because I have done a 6 months Hospitality course, it makes me good at setting up tables and also looking after customer's needs in the restaurant. Furthermore, I am available to work 7 days a week, which is Monday to Sunday with flexible timings from 10 am-10 pm as per your requirements. and I can work late nights until 12am on weekends. I am hoping to hear from you soon. Yours sincerely, Parita Patel
Dear Sir/Madam,

My name is
Possible spelling mistake found.
Parita
Patel and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
an advertisement in
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
THE HERALD
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
newspaper about the part-time job opening in your restaurant. I am writing this letter to apply for the same.

I would like to apply for this job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is closer to my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it will save up my time for other household chores.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
would like you to consider me for this job as I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
relevant experience in this field.
Firstly
, I have worked as a full-time shift supervisor at
Possible spelling mistake found.
Mcdonald
's for 2 years. This not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
me an excellent customer service professionals with a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
attitude
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
an enthusiastic and responsible person.
Secondly
, I have
been trained
to take orders at the register and
also
on the tablet. I am
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
punctual and a reliable person.
Finally
, I can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
with ordering and looking after stat.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
I have done a 6 months Hospitality course, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
me
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at setting up tables and
also
looking after customer's needs in the restaurant.

Furthermore
, I am available to work 7 days a week, which is Monday to Sunday with flexible timings from 10 am-10 pm as per your requirements.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
and
I can work late nights until 12am on weekends.

I am hoping to hear from you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.

Yours
sincerely
,

Possible spelling mistake found.
Parita
Patel
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IELTS letter you have seen and advertisement for a part time job at restaurant

Letter
  American English
8 paragraphs
222 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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