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you have seen an apointment for a weekend job

you have seen an apointment for a weekend job 0l1BB
Dear Sir/Madam, I am writing this letter to you in response to your advertisement for a local tour guide. From your advertisement, I have learned that you need a guide to demonstrate the tourist spots to the tourists. At the present, I am studying a Master’s degree in Tourism Management at Sydney University. In order to gain more relevant experiences in this industry, I would be interested in the exploring the possibility of obtaining such a position within your firm. I grew up here and familiar with all the tourist attractions. Beside this, I am able to speak three different kinds of language which include Japanese, English and Mandarin. Also, I had 3 years’ experiences as a flight attendant at Japan Airlines and gained a great deal of experiences from it. Hence, I believe that these experiences would make me eligible to fulfill your job requirements. Enclosed with this letter is my resume, which gives you my further detail of my working reference. Thank you for your time and consideration. I am looking forward to the opportunity to personally discuss why I am particularly suited to this position. Yours faithfully, Janis Lam
Dear Sir/Madam,

I am writing this letter to you in response to your advertisement for a local tour guide. From your advertisement, I have learned that you need a guide to demonstrate the tourist spots to the tourists.

At the present, I am studying a Master’s degree in Tourism Management at Sydney University. In order to gain more relevant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
in this industry, I would
be interested
in the exploring the possibility of obtaining such a position within your firm.

I grew up here and familiar with all the tourist attractions. Beside this, I am able to speak three
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of language which include Japanese, English and Mandarin.
Also
, I had 3 years’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
as a flight attendant at Japan Airlines and gained a great deal of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
from it.
Hence
, I believe that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
me eligible to fulfill your job requirements.

Enclosed with this letter is my resume, which gives you my
further
detail of my working reference. Thank you for your time and consideration. I am looking forward to the opportunity to
personally
discuss why I am
particularly
suited to this position.

Yours
faithfully
,

Janis Lam
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IELTS letter you have seen an apointment for a weekend job

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
191 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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