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You have seen an advertisement in an Australian magazine for someone to live with a family for six months and look after their six-year-old child. v.4

You have seen an advertisement in an Australian magazine for someone to live with a family for six months and look after their six-year-old child. v. 4
Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing this letter in response to an advertisement, published last week in one of the leading Australian family magazines, where you asked for a short term live-in caregiver for your six-year-old child. I have proper experiences to take the best care of your child and I would like to take the job. I am confident that I would be able to render a great service in taking care of your child since I have had a good experience in raising a couple of younger siblings as the eldest child of my family. Besides, I love children since I consider them as a bundle of joy and that's why I took care of some young child as a babysitter in my hometown. In fact, I find children so special that I have taken a short online course on parenting so that I could relate to them in a better way. By the way, I recently came to visit Australia from my home country at the invitation of my uncle in order to live with him for the next six months or so. And, while I am in Australia, I would also love to explore this beautiful country and learn about the lifestyles and culture of its people, in addition to taking care of your child should you choose to offer me the job. Yours faithfully, Daria Olga
Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing this letter in response to an advertisement, published last week in one of the leading Australian family magazines, where you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
asked for
a short term
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
-in caregiver for your six-year-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
. I have proper experiences to take the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
and I would like to take the job.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
am confident that I would be able to render a great service in taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
since I have had a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
experience in raising a couple of younger siblings as the eldest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
of my family.
Besides
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
children since I consider them as a bundle of joy and that's why I took
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
as a babysitter in my hometown. In fact, I find children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
special that I have taken a short online course on parenting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that I could relate to them in a better way.

By the way, I recently came to visit Australia from my home country at the invitation of my uncle in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with him for the
next
six months or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
. And, while I am in Australia, I would
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to explore this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
country and learn about the lifestyles and culture of its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
in addition
to taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
should you choose to offer me the job.

Yours
faithfully
,

Daria Olga
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS letter You have seen an advertisement in an Australian magazine for someone to live with a family for six months and look after their six-year-old child. v. 4

Letter
  American English
6 paragraphs
231 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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