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You have recently started work in a new company. v.3

You have recently started work in a new company. v. 3
Dear James, I hope this letter finds you and your family well. I apologise for not being in touch with you for a long. I am writing to let you know that I have recently changed my job and I love the new job. As you know, I had been working for over a decade in the field of strategic planning for an after-sale automotive company. Unfortunately, my office shifted to another city last January. Afterwards, travelling to and from the office became quite tough due to the distance and notorious traffic congestion. I often had to spend more than 4 hours in the street and I had barely any time for my family. Thus, I was forced to change my job to save the daily commuting time. I took a job with another company in the same industry and so far I love my job. It has better remuneration, office environment and friendly management. I hardly need 20 minutes to reach the office. Moreover, my new duties which include managing a support team of 18 employees is more pleasant than that of the previous office. By the way, I almost forgot, my wife would be travelling to Canada to attend a seminar and she asked me to invite you to a family party next week. We would be grateful if you and your family could possibly attend it. I look forward to hearing from you. Warm wishes, Behzad
Dear James,

I hope this letter finds you and your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
well. I
Possible spelling mistake. 'apologise' is British English.
apologise
for not being in touch with you for a long.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
am writing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
you know that I have recently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
the new job.

As you know, I had been working for over a decade in the field of strategic planning for an after-sale automotive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. Unfortunately, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
shifted to another city last January. Afterwards, travelling to and from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
became quite tough due to the distance and notorious traffic congestion. I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
had to spend more than 4 hours in the street and I had
barely
any time for my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
Thus
, I
was forced
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
to save the daily commuting time.

I took a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
with another
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
in the same industry and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
far I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. It has better remuneration,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
environment and friendly management. I hardly need 20 minutes to reach the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
.
Moreover
, my new duties which include managing a support team of 18 employees is more pleasant than that of the previous office.

By the way, I almost forgot, my wife would be travelling to Canada to attend a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
seminar and
she asked me to invite you to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
party
next
week. We would be grateful if you and your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
could
possibly
attend it.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Warm wishes,

Possible spelling mistake found.
Behzad
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS letter You have recently started work in a new company. v. 3

Letter
  American English
8 paragraphs
238 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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