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You have learned that a financial organisation in your city gives money as a loan to students who like to take a part-time course. You are interested to do the course and have decided to take a loan.

You have learned that a financial organisation in your city gives money as a loan to students who like to take a part-time course. You are interested to do the course and have decided to take a loan. La83
Dear Sir/Madam I am writing you this letter to express my interest concerning the loan you are offering for the food safety course starting next semester. Firstly, being a master graduate in quality controlling of food and pharmaceutical supplies this course would be a great adding to my knowledge. Furthermore, I am currently employed in a medical center where some dietitians sell their food as a part of my job description I have to maintain and check to quality of the products before being sold to the clients. In addition, being a medical center not only i have to check to quality of the products, I have also be sure of the self life of each item being sold. Moreover, I have read that your course gives also tips about marketing food items wish will benefit me greatly. Additionally the fact that it's a part-time course fits perfectly with my busy life schedule. This is because I am a mother of two babies and I have a full time job. Finally, by accepting my request for the loan, you would me giving me a big chance to get promoted at work from junior quality controller to the head of the team of controllers. This being said i would greatly appreciate you acceptance of my request. Hoping to hear from you in the near future, in the meantime please accept SIR/MADAM my salutations. MAY WAZZAN
Dear Sir/Madam

I am writing you this letter to express my interest concerning the loan you are offering for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
safety
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
starting
next
semester.

Firstly
, being a master graduate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
controlling of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and pharmaceutical supplies this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
would be a great adding to my knowledge.
Furthermore
, I am
currently
employed in a medical center where
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
dietitians sell their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
as a part of my job description I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
maintain and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
of the products
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
being sold
to the clients.
In addition
, being a medical center not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
of the products, I have
also
be sure of the self life of each item
being sold
.

Moreover
, I have read that your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
gives
also
tips about marketing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
items wish will benefit me
greatly
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Additionally
the fact that it's a part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
fits
perfectly
with my busy life schedule. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I am a mother of two babies and I have a full time job.
Finally
, by accepting my request for the loan, you would me giving me a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
promoted at work from junior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
controller to the head of the team of controllers. This
being said
Did you mean "I"?
i
would
greatly
appreciate you acceptance of my request.

Hoping to hear from you in the near future, in the meantime
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
please
accept SIR/MADAM my salutations. MAY
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
WAZZAN
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IELTS letter You have learned that a financial organisation in your city gives money as a loan to students who like to take a part-time course. You are interested to do the course and have decided to take a loan.

Letter
  American English
4 paragraphs
233 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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