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You find that your study load is too heavy and you would like to withdraw from two courses. v.2

You find that your study load is too heavy and you would like to withdraw from two courses. v. 2
Dear Mr Martin, I am writing to formally request you to permit me to withdraw from two courses: Financial and Management Accounting (CFM403) and Quantitative Methods in Business II (QMB 409). I find my study pressure higher than I can manage and I am hoping you would authorise to withdraw from these two courses. I have decided to withdraw from these two courses as I am finding it extremely difficult to manage six courses this semester. I was perhaps overly optimistic about juggling both my full-time studies and my part-time job at the beginning of the term. I registered for six courses hoping to finish them all in this term but I was not realistic at that time. Instead, I am now planning on taking these two courses during the winter semester if they are available at that time. Thus I will be able to complete all the courses for the degree program by the following year. I would also like to request a tuition refund and hope I am not too late to receive the full reimbursement. I am sorry for any inconveniences I have caused by this change in plans. This decision was not taken lightly, and I do appreciate the kind consideration you have shown to me. Thank you for your attention to these requests. Should there any query I am available to meet you and discuss in person. I look forward to hearing from you soon. Yours sincerely, Alex Dalton
Dear Mr Martin,

I am writing to
formally
request you to permit me to withdraw from two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
: Financial and Management Accounting (CFM403) and Quantitative Methods in Business II (
Possible spelling mistake found.
QMB
409). I find my study pressure higher than I can
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
manage and
I am hoping you would
Possible spelling mistake. 'authorise' is British English.
authorise
to withdraw from these two courses.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
have decided to withdraw from these two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
as I am finding it
extremely
difficult to manage six
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
this semester.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
was perhaps
overly
optimistic about juggling both my full-time studies and my part-time job at the beginning of the term.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
registered for six
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
hoping to finish them all in this term
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I was not realistic at that time.
Instead
, I am
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
planning on taking these two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
during the winter semester if they are available at that time.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
I will be able to complete all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
for the degree program by the following year.

I would
also
like to request a tuition refund and hope I am not too late to receive the full reimbursement. I am sorry for any inconveniences I have caused by this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in plans. This decision was not taken
lightly
, and I do appreciate the kind consideration you have shown to me.

Thank you for your attention to these requests. Should there any query I am available to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
you and discuss in person.

I look forward to hearing from you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.

Yours
sincerely
,

Alex Dalton
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Speak a new language so that the world will be a new world.
Rumi

IELTS letter You find that your study load is too heavy and you would like to withdraw from two courses. v. 2

Letter
  American English
8 paragraphs
243 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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