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You bought a new mobile phone .But there is something wrong with it

You bought a new mobile phone. But there is something wrong with it jDmqw
Dear sir /madam, I'm writing to you about one problem which is related to the mobile phone, bought in your mobile shop. last Monday, 10th March 2021 I bought modern telephone which is named Redmi Note 10, it's cost is 300$ and it's colour is black. As for the reason why I'm going to tell about that is some problems with new phone. After purchasing it I got back at home and I tried to use but unfortunately I couldn't due to the fact that its screen is so dark that I didn't manage to turn on bright colour at that time I was very dissatisfied with my shopping and I was sorry for buying it without enough checking. Honestly I didn't expect this event because of trusting your goods strongly. I want you to exchange my mobile phone to another because it isn't worth to the amount of money Which I spend for it. If you don't agree with this desicion, I will apply to the special authority. I would like to receive your answer soon, I hope it. Yours sincerely, Turdiyeva Nigoraxon
Dear sir /madam,

I'm writing to you about one problem which
is related
to the mobile phone,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
in your mobile shop.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
last
The date 10th March 2021 is not a Monday, but a Wednesday.
Monday, 10th March 2021
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
modern telephone which
is named
Possible spelling mistake found.
Redmi
Note 10, it's cost is
The currency mark is usually put at the beginning of the number: "$300".
300$
and it's
Possible spelling mistake. 'colour' is British English.
colour
is black.

As for the reason why I'm going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
about
that is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems with new phone. After
The comma is probably missing here: "purchasing, it".
purchasing it
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
back at home and I tried to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
unfortunately I couldn't due to the fact that its screen is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
dark that I didn't manage to turn on bright
Possible spelling mistake. 'colour' is British English.
colour
at that time I was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
dissatisfied with my
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
shopping and
I was sorry for buying it without
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
checking.
Honestly
I didn't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of trusting your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
strongly
.

I want you to exchange my mobile phone to another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it isn't worth to the amount of money Which I spend for it. If you don't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
Possible spelling mistake found.
desicion
, I will apply to the special authority.

I would like to receive your answer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
, I hope it.

Yours
sincerely
,

Possible spelling mistake found.
Turdiyeva
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nigoraxon

IELTS letter You bought a new mobile phone. But there is something wrong with it

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
183 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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