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You are part of a group of musicians who meet on Monday and Wednesday evenings to practise in the community hall. You have been told, however, that it is no longer possible for the group to use the hall. v.1

You are part of a group of musicians who meet on Monday and Wednesday evenings to practise in the community hall. You have been told, however, that it is no longer possible for the group to use the hall. v. 1
Dear Mr Andrew, I am Alfred Ton, a member of the 'Trinity' music band, writing to express my grave concern about the letter we received from the community hall authority last Friday. I am hoping that you would allow us to continue our practice at a convent time you feel suitable for a greater good. The letter simply stated that we no longer can practise in the community hall and better look for an alternative. The scenario is, in fact, complicated than that. As a young group of musicians, we patronise the community and often perform without any royalty. We primarily focus on music and lyrics that promote the peace, protest wars and inequity in the society. A large number of followers, mostly youths, are encouraged by our work and they follow us on social media. We believe in our community and all the members of our band are sworn to work for a greater cause, not for money or fame. We often attend community welfare programmes and do voluntary social works as a team. If we are barred from using the community hall, we will soon find it hard to keep our dream alive as we are unable to hire an expensive location for practice. The purpose of the community hall is, in fact, to foster good works and support the community members, not to discourage them. I, on behalf of my team, would like you to reconsider the decision as we believe in your vision for a better society. We can use the community hall on Friday and Saturday morning when according to my knowledge, no one uses it. Thanking you in advance. Yours faithfully, Alfred Ton
Dear Mr Andrew,

I
am Alfred
Ton, a member of the 'Trinity' music band, writing to express my grave concern about the letter we received from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hall
authority last Friday. I am hoping that you would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
us to continue our practice at a convent time you feel suitable for a greater
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.

The letter
simply
stated that we no longer can
Possible spelling mistake. 'practise' is British English.
practise
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hall
and better look for an alternative. The scenario is, in fact,
Use "(complicated)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
complicated
than that. As a young group of musicians, we
Possible spelling mistake. 'patronise' is British English.
patronise
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
perform without any royalty. We
primarily
focus on music and lyrics that promote the peace, protest wars and inequity in the society.
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
A large number of
followers,
mostly
youths,
are encouraged
by our
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
work and
they follow us on social media. We believe in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
and all the members of our band
are sworn
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for a greater cause, not for money or fame. We
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
welfare
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
and do voluntary social works as a team.

If we
are barred
from using the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hall
, we will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
find it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
our dream alive as we are unable to hire an expensive location for practice. The purpose of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hall
is, in fact, to foster
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
works and support the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
members, not to discourage them.

I, on behalf of my team, would like you to reconsider the decision as we believe in your vision for a better society. We can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hall
on Friday and Saturday morning when according to my knowledge, no one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
it.

Thanking you in advance.

Yours
faithfully
,

Alfred Ton
0Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS letter You are part of a group of musicians who meet on Monday and Wednesday evenings to practise in the community hall. You have been told, however, that it is no longer possible for the group to use the hall. v. 1

Letter
  American English
8 paragraphs
278 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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