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Write a letter to a friend who works in a foreign country expressing your interest to seek employment in a different country. v.1

Write a letter to a friend who works in a foreign country expressing your interest to seek employment in a different country. v. 1
Dear Sindhu, Hope this letter finds you and your family in good health. I am sorry for not writing to you for a long but I guess you can realise my hectic schedule for the past couple of weeks since I wrote about it in my previous letter. I have decided to work in Australia and expecting your opinion regarding this. Now, a sigh of relief! My project works are complete and I am looking for a new opportunity to work abroad. You know me well - I have always wanted to make life enjoyable by making positive changes and I have recently decided to work and live in a multi-cultural environment. I think it would be fascinating to socialise with people of different origins while I can further enhance my career and live in a better environment. Thus I am looking forward to getting a job in Biomedical Engineering, as I always did, in Australia as a permanent employee either in a manufacturing or a service-related company. So, I need some information from you since you have already been to different countries and now in Australia in the same industry. Is it mandatory for me to get a work permit or can I migrate with a temporary work visa and later find a job? Should I take any exams like IELTS or TOEFL? If so what would be the score requirement? And finally, can I apply for some jobs before moving to Australia? Looking forward to hearing your response in this regards. We will find some time soon. Convey my regards to your family. Warm wishes, Nivetha
Dear
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sindhu
,

Hope this letter finds you and your family in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health. I am sorry for not writing to you for a long
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I guess you can
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
my hectic schedule for the past couple of weeks since I wrote about it in my previous letter. I have decided to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in Australia and expecting your opinion regarding this.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, a sigh of relief! My project works are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
complete and
I am looking for a new opportunity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
abroad. You know me well
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
I have always wanted to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
life enjoyable by making
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
and I have recently decided to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a multi-cultural environment. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it would be fascinating to
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialise' is British English.
socialise
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
origins while I can
further
enhance my career and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a better environment.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
I am looking forward to getting a job in Biomedical Engineering, as I always did, in Australia as a permanent employee either in a manufacturing or a service-related
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
information from you since you have already been to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
in Australia in the same industry. Is it mandatory for me to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
permit or can I migrate with a temporary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
visa and later find a job? Should I take any exams like IELTS or TOEFL? If
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
what would be the score requirement? And
finally
, can I apply for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
moving to Australia?

Looking forward to hearing your response in
Did you mean "these"?
this
regards. We will find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
. Convey my regards to your family.

Warm wishes,

Possible spelling mistake found.
Nivetha
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS letter Write a letter to a friend who works in a foreign country expressing your interest to seek employment in a different country. v. 1

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
267 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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