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You are organising a trip to the Snowy Mountains in New South Wales for a group of students from Perth in Western Australia. v.5

You are organising a trip to the Snowy Mountains in New South Wales for a group of students from Perth in Western Australia. v. 5
Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to you to get some information about the accommodation at your hostel during our visit to the Snowy Mountains in New South Wales. I am in charge of the trip for a group of students and would appreciate your assistance regarding this. I am John Miller, a lecturer at the St Joseph’s College in Perth. We are planning to take a trip to Australia next month and would stay there from 2nd May to 7th May. We would like to visit the Snowy Mountains in New South Wales with our students as part of a study excursion. We have planned to stay at your Hostel during this trip for one week. We are a group of 20 students and 3 lecturers and we require accommodation of 5 double bedrooms and 2 large deluxe rooms. It would be great if we can get rooms with attached bathrooms and kitchens because some of our students prefer to cook for themselves. Please let us know the availability of accommodation in the mentioned period and booking details if they are available. Thank you in advance. Yours faithfully, John Miller
Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to you to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
information about the accommodation at your hostel during our visit to the Snowy Mountains in New South Wales. I am in charge of the trip for a group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and would appreciate your assistance regarding this.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
am John Miller, a lecturer at the St Joseph’s College in Perth. We are planning to take a trip to Australia
next
month and would stay there from 2nd May to 7th May. We would like to visit the Snowy Mountains in New South Wales with our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
as part of a study excursion.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
We
have planned to stay at your Hostel during this trip for one week.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
We
are a group of 20
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and 3
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
lecturers and
we require accommodation of 5 double bedrooms and 2 large deluxe rooms. It would be great if we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rooms with attached bathrooms and kitchens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
prefer to cook for themselves.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Please
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
us know the availability of accommodation in the mentioned period and booking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
if they are available.

Thank you in advance.

Yours
faithfully
,

John Miller
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS letter You are organising a trip to the Snowy Mountains in New South Wales for a group of students from Perth in Western Australia. v. 5

Letter
  American English
8 paragraphs
191 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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