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You are going on to a month-long training programme in the UK and know that the head of the course would like one of the participants to be the social events’ organiser. v.2

You are going on to a month-long training programme in the UK and know that the head of the course would like one of the participants to be the social events’ organiser. v. 2
Dear Mr Victor, I am excited to be a participant in the environment and disaster management training programme that you are organising next month in London. I have always wanted to enhance my skills on that and this is an excellent opportunity for me to do so. I noticed from a follow-up email that you are looking for volunteers for a social event and I offer myself for the role. I have been involved in many voluntary works since my college days and have extensive experience in organising such events. In my office, I am often responsible to plan important events, coordinate with the event management team, facilitate the guest lecturers and ensure conducting successful meetings. I enjoy playing such roles and I am quite confident I would be the right person for your social event as well. I would, therefore, request you to send me more details regarding the training session and your plan for it so that I can start contributing right away. My participant ID is SEL-087 and you can check my profile before selecting me as an organiser. I am looking forward to hearing from you soon. Thanks in advance. Yours sincerely, David Frank
Dear Mr Victor,

I
am excited
to be a participant in the environment and disaster management training
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
that you are
Possible spelling mistake. 'organising' is British English.
organising
next
month in London. I have always wanted to enhance my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
on that and this is an excellent opportunity for me to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
noticed from a follow-up email that you are looking for volunteers for a social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
and I offer myself for the role.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
have
been involved
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
voluntary works since my college days and have extensive experience in
Possible spelling mistake. 'organising' is British English.
organising
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
. In my office, I am
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
responsible to plan
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
, coordinate with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
management team, facilitate the guest lecturers and ensure conducting successful meetings. I enjoy playing such
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
roles and
I am quite confident I would be the right person for your social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
as well
.

I would,
therefore
, request you to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
me more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
regarding the training session and your plan for it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that I can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
contributing right away. My participant ID is SEL-087 and you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
my profile
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
selecting me as an
Possible spelling mistake. 'organiser' is British English.
organiser
.

I am looking forward to hearing from you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
. Thanks in advance.

Yours
sincerely
,

David Frank
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learn a language, and you’ll avoid a war.
Arab Proverb

IELTS letter You are going on to a month-long training programme in the UK and know that the head of the course would like one of the participants to be the social events’ organiser. v. 2

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
197 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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