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You are due to start a new job next week but you will not be able to because you have some problems. v.8

You are due to start a new job next week but you will not be able to because you have some problems. v. 8
Dear Sir or Madam, I have been recruited as a Sales Supervisor by your organisation in an interview held at your Los Angeles office on 17th September and I am supposed to join on 1st November. However, due to a personal emergency, I will not be able to do so and thus I am writing this letter to you to accept a week's delay in joining. Last week, my mother became seriously ill and I had to rush her to a local hospital after I travelled to my hometown in Starkville, Mississippi. After a few tests, the doctors informed us that she has severe diabetes and needs medical attention. The doctor instructed that she should be brought to the hospital for a daily checkup for the next three weeks. Coincidentally, my father is not around and I am the only one to take her for the checkup. I sincerely apologise for not being able to join the job as promised but I assure you that I can start on 8th November 2019. My father is returning home next weekend and he will then take over the responsibility of taking my mother to the hospital, making me available for my office commitments. Yours faithfully, John Carter
Dear Sir or Madam,

I have
been recruited
as a Sales Supervisor by your
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
in an interview held at your Los Angeles office on 17th
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
September and
I
am supposed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
on 1st November.
However
, due to a personal emergency, I will not be able to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
and
thus
I am writing this letter to you to accept a week's delay in joining.

Last week, my mother became
seriously
ill and I had to rush her to a local hospital after I travelled to my hometown in Starkville, Mississippi. After a few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tests
, the doctors informed us that she has severe diabetes and needs medical attention. The doctor instructed that she should
be brought
to the hospital for a daily checkup for the
next
three weeks.
Coincidentally
, my father is not
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
around and
I am the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one to take her for the checkup.

I
sincerely
Possible spelling mistake. 'apologise' is British English.
apologise
for not being able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
the job as promised
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I assure you that I can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
on 8th November 2019. My father is returning home
next
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
weekend and
he will then take over the responsibility of taking my mother to the hospital, making me available for my office commitments.

Yours
faithfully
,

John Carter
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS letter You are due to start a new job next week but you will not be able to because you have some problems. v. 8

Letter
  American English
6 paragraphs
204 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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