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You recently visited a place that had a strong impact on you. Now you want to write to your friend about the place. v.5

You recently visited a place that had a strong impact on you. Now you want to write to your friend about the place. v. 5
Dear Samuel, I hope you are doing excellent. I am writing to inform you about a place I had been for the first time and the experience is overwhelming. I would like to take you there and show how this part of the city is different than the rest. Recently, I, along with a group of people, visited a slum area as part of social activity. This slum is situated in a distant place, away from the city outskirts and could be reached on foot only. Upon entering the area, I was surprised by the children who were ready to welcome us; they were eagerly waiting that someone would bring something for them to eat. We spent about 4 hours by playing games, explained them the importance of personal hygiene, taught them few important social aspects, gave them food which we took along with us and at the end of the session we distributed around 30 winter blankets for each family in the slum. When we were in the midst of the slum, I personally saw and felt their poverty, their longing for help and need for social awareness. When we were leaving, I was so happy to see the smiles on their faces. The trip to the slum infused me of an idea to gather a few more and ask them for their help in supporting the slum dwellers. I know that you are very much interested in these types of philanthropic activities. If you agree, we can visit there next week and help them in any way possible. Yours truly, Prasad
Dear Samuel,

I hope you are doing excellent. I am writing to inform you about a place I had been for the
first
time and the experience is overwhelming.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
would like to take you there and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
how this part of the city is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Did you mean 'different "from"? 'Different than' is often considered colloquial style.
than
the rest.

Recently, I, along with a group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, visited a slum area as part of social activity. This slum
is situated
in a distant place, away from the city outskirts and could
be reached
on foot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
. Upon entering the area, I
was surprised
by the children who were ready to welcome us; they were
eagerly
waiting that someone would bring something for them to eat. We spent about 4 hours by playing games,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
The verb 'to explain something to someone' requires a preposition.
them
the importance of personal hygiene, taught them few
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
social aspects, gave them food which we took along with us and at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the session we distributed around 30 winter blankets for each family in the slum. When we were in the midst of the slum, I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
and felt their poverty, their longing for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
and need for social awareness. When we were leaving, I was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
happy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the smiles on their faces.

The trip to the slum infused me of an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to gather a few more and ask them for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in supporting the slum dwellers. I know that you are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much interested in these types of philanthropic activities.

If you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
, we can visit there
next
week and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in any way possible.

Yours
truly
,

Prasad
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS letter You recently visited a place that had a strong impact on you. Now you want to write to your friend about the place. v. 5

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
262 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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