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You are due to start a new job next week but you will not be able to because you have some problems. v.2

You are due to start a new job next week but you will not be able to because you have some problems. v. 2
Dear Sir or Madam, I would like to thank you for the opportunity to be a part of your organisation. I was offered the Junior Executive position in your organisation and was supposed to start my office on 2nd August 2019. However, a problem has arisen and it forces me to delay my joining for a month than initially planned. As you know, I currently work for my father's gift shop, and you will remember from my interview that I have gained valuable experience from my involvement in this business. Unfortunately, my father has been admitted to a hospital for his illness, leaving me in charge of both the home and the business. As this is a particularly busy time for the shop, I am forced to take charge of running the shop. I can understand that it would be inconvenient for you but I am hoping that you would consider the circumstances and allow me to take up my position with your company one month later than the date we initially agreed upon. I would like to emphasise that I remain very keen to work for your company and would be ready to join from 1st September 2019. I look forward to hearing from you. Yours faithfully, Brian Hall
Dear Sir or Madam,

I would like to thank you for the opportunity to be a part of your
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
. I
was offered
the Junior Executive position in your
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
and
was supposed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
my office on 2nd August 2019.
However
, a problem has arisen and it forces me to delay my joining for a month than
initially
planned.

As you know, I
currently
work for my father's gift shop, and you will remember from my interview that I have gained valuable experience from my involvement in this business. Unfortunately, my father has
been admitted
to a hospital for his illness, leaving me in charge of both the home and the business. As this is a
particularly
busy time for the shop, I
am forced
to take charge of running the shop.

I can understand that it would be inconvenient for you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I am hoping that you would consider the circumstances and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
me to take up my position with your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
one month later than the date we
initially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
upon.

I would like to
Possible spelling mistake. 'emphasise' is British English.
emphasise
that I remain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
keen to work for your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
and would be ready to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
from 1st September 2019.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
look forward to hearing from you.

Yours
faithfully
,

Brian Hall
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS letter You are due to start a new job next week but you will not be able to because you have some problems. v. 2

Letter
  American English
8 paragraphs
209 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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