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You are due to move into a rented apartment next month but you will not be able to because you have some problems. v.3

You are due to move into a rented apartment next month but you will not be able to because you have some problems. v. 3
I have recently agreed to rent your apartment and supposed to move there on August 1st. I am afraid I cannot do so in August due to some personal problems. I am hoping that you would allow me to move into your apartment at the beginning of September instead. I am Koharu Rio, signed a rental agreement with you on July 15th and I am due to move into your apartment C4 located in Cranberry Street on 1st of August. I have already paid you two months rent upfront. However, the sudden news of my mother-in-law's sickness propels us to change our plan. I along with my husband and children will travel to Japan sometime next week. I am not sure how long we will be staying there but it would not be less than a week I guess. After we get back from Japan, my husband and I both will be terribly busy to cover our work at our offices and hence shifting our house would be impossible for us. I would request you to consider my circumstances and allow me to move into your apartment at the beginning of September. I look forward to hearing from you soon regarding this. Yours sincerely, Koharu Rio
I have recently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
to rent your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartment
and supposed to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
move
there on August 1st. I am afraid I cannot do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
in August due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
personal problems.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
am hoping that you would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
me to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
move
into your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartment
at the beginning of September
instead
.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
am
Possible spelling mistake found.
Koharu
Rio, signed a rental agreement with you on July
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
15th and
I am due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
move
into your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartment
C4 located in Cranberry Street on 1st of August.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
have already paid you two months rent upfront.
However
, the sudden news of my mother-in-law's sickness propels us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
our plan. I along with my husband and children will travel to Japan sometime
next
week. I am not sure how long we will be staying there
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it would not be less than a week I guess.

After we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
back from Japan, my husband and I both will be
terribly
busy to cover our work at our offices and
hence
shifting our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
would be impossible for us. I would request you to consider my circumstances and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
me to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
move
into your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartment
at the beginning of September.

I look forward to hearing from you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
regarding this.

Yours
sincerely
,

Possible spelling mistake found.
Koharu
Rio
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
Learn a new language and get a new soul.
Czech Proverb

IELTS letter You are due to move into a rented apartment next month but you will not be able to because you have some problems. v. 3

Letter
  American English
6 paragraphs
205 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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