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You are due to move into a rented apartment next month but you will not be able to because you have some problems. v.2

You are due to move into a rented apartment next month but you will not be able to because you have some problems. v. 2
Dear Mr Alfred, I am writing to inform you that I would not be able to move into your apartment, C-4, at the beginning of November as promised. Due to a professional reason, I am staying in Australia and will not be back before 28th November 2019. I am hoping that you would allow me to move into your apartment at the beginning of December instead. I was expecting to finish my work at the end of this weekend. However, I would not act according to my plan as one of my clients had an accident and was admitted to a hospital. Doctors advised him complete bed rest for two weeks and strictly warned him not to take part in any business activity. I would only meet him after two weeks from now, I wanted to skip the meeting but unable to do so due to numerous business works we take from this party. Therefore, I have changed my plan and will come back two weeks later than originally decided, which is 29th November. Considering the situation, I would request you to allow me to move into your apartment in the first week of December. Yours faithfully, Fahad Sultan
Dear Mr Alfred,

I am writing to inform you that I would not be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
into your apartment, C-4, at the beginning of November as promised. Due to a professional reason, I am staying in Australia and will not be back
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
28th November 2019. I am hoping that you would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
me to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
into your apartment at the beginning of December
instead
.

I was expecting to finish my work at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of this weekend.
However
, I would not act according to my plan as one of my clients had an accident and
was admitted
to a hospital. Doctors advised him complete bed rest for two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weeks
and
strictly
warned him not to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in any business activity.

I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
him after two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weeks
from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, I wanted to skip the meeting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
unable to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
due to numerous business works we take from this party.
Therefore
, I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
my plan and will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
back two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weeks
later than
originally
decided, which is 29th November. Considering the situation, I would request you to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
me to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
into your apartment in the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
of December.

Yours
faithfully
,

Fahad Sultan
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Learn a language, and you’ll avoid a war.
Arab Proverb

IELTS letter You are due to move into a rented apartment next month but you will not be able to because you have some problems. v. 2

Letter
  American English
6 paragraphs
198 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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