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writing letter to a librarian to request change in opening hours

writing letter to a librarian to request change in opening hours QwGrP
Dear Manager, I am pleased to inform you that Franklin public library offers the finest book collections from all genera. I find books can do wonders in one’s life, through reading inspirational and motivational stories. For the same reason why, I have become a life-time member at your facility. However, the library opening hours are a bit inconvenient for me because it is closed during Sundays, which is unfortunately the only day off from my hectic work schedule. Therefore, I would suggest that it would be a great help for people like me to take the full advantage of library only when it is opened on daily basis. I personally believe that this would not only benefit working class but also school children, those having classes from Monday to Saturday. Henceforth, I believe necessary action points will be taken for making the library accessible to everyone by lifting the existing closure on Sundays and Mondays, necessarily open throughout the week. Yours sincerely,
Dear Manager,

I am
pleased
to inform you that Franklin public library offers the finest book collections from all genera. I find books can do wonders in one’s life, through reading inspirational and motivational stories. For the same reason why, I have become a life-time member at your facility.

However
, the library opening hours are a bit inconvenient for me
because
it
is closed
during Sundays, which is unfortunately the
only
day off from my hectic work schedule.
Therefore
, I would suggest that it would be a great
help
for
people
like me to take the full advantage of library
only
when it
is opened
on daily basis. I
personally
believe that this would not
only
benefit working
class
but
also
school children, those having classes from Monday to Saturday.

Henceforth, I believe necessary action points will
be taken
for making the library accessible to everyone by lifting the existing closure on Sundays and Mondays,
necessarily
open throughout the week.

Yours
sincerely
,
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IELTS letter writing letter to a librarian to request change in opening hours

Letter
  American English
5 paragraphs
162 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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