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Write an essay in about 250 words on “Youth Crime” and discuss the reasons and best possible solutions of the problem.

Write an essay in about 250 words on “Youth Crime” and discuss the reasons and best possible solutions of the problem. bY296
I am writing to you to pursue my application for a place in the Computer Sciences course at your university. At the end of my very first day at school, I remember my father coming home with a computer and I was very happy, because I could play games and watch videos on it. I have never given up my relationship with my computer since that day and have always been interested in the science of the computer for a long time. During the first year of high school, we were asked what professions we wanted to do in the future, I did not have to think very long before I could say “Software Engineering” because I quite liked and was able to handle any task with a computer. Sometimes I was editing photos of my friends and myself thanks to photo editing applications, sometimes I tried creating simple games. Since I love spending time on things I love and my hobbies, I attended the software developing club of the school on my second year and in the last year of high school, I started the software course to improve myself and go to university readily. I am now waiting for the day when I will get a certificate. In addition to the software, I have taken piano and guitar lessons. I was in the table tennis and football teams of the school, and I was also playing football in an amateur club. I love sports and music a lot, but I decided to build my career in computing such as application development, website design and robotics because computer softwares are broader and much more interesting to me. I made online sales last year and earned some money to gain experience. In this way, I realized that money was not earned easily and that I needed to improve myself professionally. I learned to design a website from the internet and the course I went and I made two websites for my mother’s company. I love spending time on a computer and want to go further. In the final year of high school, I decided to move from my country to the United States for both a better education and a successful career. I persuaded my family and took various exams. The place where I decided to settle is New Jersey, one of the most important states of America. To me, it is one of the most glamorous states, both in terms of future job opportunities and the quality of universities. I immediately started researching schools in New Jersey and started collecting information about Montclair State University, which is the college that attracts me the most, its distance to campus, its nature and quality of education. Sports activities and computer science seem to be better than I expected. After my researches, Montclair State University ranked first for me. To be with a friendly environment of educated people and to graduate from a good university in the future and work in a good job is what I want. Unlike my peers, the most crucial thing for me is improving myself in several subjects and hobbies. Also, I am trying to find as many new hobbies and interests as possible. Sports and music take up a big part of my life and I am thinking of advancing them alongside the software. In order to fully understand the courses taught at the university, I am trying to improve my English and learn the terms as much as I can. I am using various applications for this and I prefer watching TV series, movies, videos etc. In English over Turkish. I can say I’m an ambitious person who loves pursuing his passions. I believe that I will be able to add a lot to myself and become a well-equipped software developer by making use of Montclair State University's facilities on campus, high level computer labs and rich course contents. Yours Sincerely, Ömer Batın Yurdakul
I am writing to you to pursue my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
application
for a place in the Computer Sciences
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
at your university.

At the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of my
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
first
day at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, I remember my father coming home with a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
computer and
I was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
happy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I could play games and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
videos on it. I have never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
up my relationship with my computer since that day and have always
been interested
in the science of the computer for a long time. During the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, we
were asked
what professions we wanted to do in the future, I did not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
long
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
I could say
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
“Software
Engineering”
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I quite liked and was able to handle any task with a computer.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
I was editing photos of my friends and myself thanks to photo editing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
applications
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
I tried creating simple games. Since I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
spending time on things I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
and my hobbies, I attended the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
software
developing club of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
on my second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
and in the last
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
software
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
myself and go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
readily
. I am
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
waiting for the day when I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a certificate.

In addition
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
software
, I have taken piano and guitar lessons. I was in the table tennis and football teams of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, and I was
also
playing football in an amateur club. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
sports and music a lot,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I decided to build my career in computing such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
application
development, website design and robotics
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
computer
Possible spelling mistake found.
softwares
are broader and much more interesting to me.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
made online sales last
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
and earned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
money to gain experience. In this way, I realized that money was not earned
easily
and that I needed to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
myself
professionally
. I learned to design a website from the internet and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
I went and I made two websites for my mother’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
spending time on a computer and want to go
further
.

In the final
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, I decided to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
from my country to the United
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
States
for both a better education and a successful career. I persuaded my family and took various exams. The place where I decided to settle is New Jersey, one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
states
of America. To me, it is one of the most glamorous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
states
, both in terms of future job opportunities and the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
. I immediately
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
researching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
in New Jersey and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
collecting information about
Possible spelling mistake found.
Montclair
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
State
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
, which is the college that attracts me the most, its distance to campus, its nature and quality of education. Sports activities and computer science seem to be better than I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
. After my researches,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Montclair
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
State
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
ranked
first
for me. To be with a friendly environment of educated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and to graduate from a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
in the future and work in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
job is what I want.

Unlike my peers, the most crucial thing for me is improving myself in several subjects and hobbies.
Also
, I am trying to find as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
new hobbies and interests as possible. Sports and music take up a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
part of my
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
life and
I am thinking of advancing them alongside the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
software
. In order to
fully
understand the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
taught at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
, I am trying to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
my English and learn the terms as much as I can. I am using various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
applications
for this and I prefer watching TV series, movies, videos etc. In English over Turkish. I can say I’m an ambitious person who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
loves
pursuing his passions.

I believe that I will be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
a lot to myself and become a well-equipped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
software
developer by making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Montclair
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
State
University's facilities on campus,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
level computer labs and rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
contents.

Yours
Sincerely
,

Possible spelling mistake found.
Ömer
Possible spelling mistake found.
Batın
Possible spelling mistake found.
Yurdakul
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IELTS letter Write an essay in about 250 words on “Youth Crime” and discuss the reasons and best possible solutions of the problem.

Letter
  American English
8 paragraphs
658 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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