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write an email to Simon Stone about a summer job

write an email to Simon Stone about a summer job x2nP9
Hello Mr. Stone, First of all thanks for your email. I am so excited about this program. Depends on my personality and strength, I think I am a good fit for the role of management, and both my skills and abilities would be a good match for it. I am good at managing people and find their potential inner abilities. I can keep being calm and make tough decisions when it needed. I am a good problem-solver too that can be useful. Years ago, of course, I had not had the essential skills and knowledge like how to communicate with people but I gain and improve related skills over time. We can talk about the job and dig a little deeper in the future. hope to see you, Arash Falizkar
Hello Mr. Stone,
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
thanks for your email. I am
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
excited about this program. Depends on my personality and strength, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
I am a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
fit for the role of management, and both my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and abilities would be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
match for it. I am
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
at managing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and find their potential inner abilities. I can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
being calm and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
tough decisions when it needed.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
am a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
problem-solver
Did you mean "to that"?
too that
can be useful. Years ago,
of course
, I had not had the essential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and knowledge like how to communicate with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I gain and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
related
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
over time. We can talk about the job and dig a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
deeper in the future.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
hope
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
you, Arash
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
Falizkar

IELTS letter write an email to Simon Stone about a summer job

Letter
  American English
1 paragraphs
129 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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