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problem with a piece of equipment, write a letter describing the problem, how its affecting work and say what you want the company to do

problem with a piece of equipment, write a letter describing the problem, how its affecting work and say what you want the company to do gY2L3
Dear Sir, I am writing this letter to notify you about the problems I am facing with my work laptop. Due to issues with the laptop, I am unable to work and there is a lot of backlog that has piled on. As you may know, the laptop was delivered to me in working condition on Monday. For the first two days, the system worked fine. However, on Wednesday, the screen of the laptop suddenly started to blur out. Due to the glitch, which has caused the screen to get blurry, I am unable to see anything on the display screen of the laptop. Majority of my work involves excel sheets, word documents and emails. For me to work efficiently, I need access to the content. For the time being, I am trying to work from my smartphone but I do not think this is a permanent solution. I would request the human resources team at the company to kindly consider replacing this laptop with a new one that functions. I will keep the laptop ready in the same way it was handed to me. I have already provided the HR team with my address and contact details so that the replacement delivery can be done immediately. Thank you in advance for your cooperation. Yours Sincerely, Ralston
Dear Sir,

I am writing this letter to notify you about the problems I am facing with my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
laptop.

Due to issues with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laptop
, I am unable to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and there is
Possible agreement error. The noun backlog seems to be countable; consider using: "a lot of backlogs".
a lot of backlog
that has piled on.

As you may know, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laptop
was delivered
to me in working condition on Monday. For the
first
two days, the system worked fine.
However
, on Wednesday, the screen of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laptop
suddenly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to blur out.

Due to the glitch, which has caused the screen to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
blurry, I am unable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
anything on the display screen of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laptop
. Majority of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
involves excel sheets, word documents and emails. For me to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
efficiently
, I need access to the content. For the time being, I am trying to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from my smartphone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this is a permanent solution.

I would request the human resources team at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
to kindly consider replacing this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laptop
with a new one that functions. I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laptop
ready
in the same way
it
was handed
to me.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
have already provided the HR team with my address and contact
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the replacement delivery can
be done
immediately.

Thank you in advance for your cooperation.

Yours
Sincerely
,

Possible spelling mistake found.
Ralston
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IELTS letter problem with a piece of equipment, write a letter describing the problem, how its affecting work and say what you want the company to do

Letter
  American English
9 paragraphs
216 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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