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Write a letter to your manager about your work from the last year. Include What you did What you think you could improve A training request

Write a letter to your manager about your work from the last year. Include What you did What you think you could improve A training request y6PE
ear Sir, I am writing this letter to inform you about my previous working year achievements and to require some specific training to improve my other professional skills. I have been working in this esteemed organization for the last one and half year as an assistant IT engineer in IT department. I had one year experience in my previous company which helped me to establish myself in different working environment. As an assistant engineer my abilities are to setup the company's data with more privacy settings. Besides this, with the contribution of colleagues I linked all computer systems from other branches to main IT department where we are able to operate and maintain any software problems without visiting the branches. Moreover, I am planning to improve company's website with latest technique to add more features. It would be beneficial for both the customers and the organization. It would be grateful if you could permit me to take a two weeks training to improve my technical skill. After attaining additional strength I could manage company's IT department with more satisfactory. Additionally, my new skill will enhance confidence in my juniors as well. I hope you would consider my request at earliest. Yours sincerely, David Zane
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
ear
Sir,

I am writing this letter to inform you about my previous working year achievements and to require
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
specific training to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
my other professional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

I have been working in this esteemed organization for the last one and half year as an assistant IT engineer in IT department.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
had one year experience in my previous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
me to establish myself in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
working environment.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
an assistant engineer my abilities are
The verb 'set up' is spelled as two words. The noun 'setup' is spelled as one.
to setup
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
's data with more privacy settings.
Besides
this, with the contribution of colleagues I linked all computer systems from other branches to main IT department where we are able to operate and maintain any software problems without visiting the branches.
Moreover
, I am planning to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
's website with
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
technique to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
more features. It would be beneficial for both the customers and the organization.

It would be grateful if you could permit me to take a two weeks training to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
my technical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
.
“After” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
After
attaining additional strength I could manage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
's IT department with more satisfactory.
Additionally
, my new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
will enhance confidence in my juniors
as well
.

I hope you would consider my request at earliest.

Yours
sincerely
,

David Zane
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IELTS letter Write a letter to your manager about your work from the last year. Include What you did What you think you could improve A training request

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
203 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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