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write a letter to the head officer to take follows up on the file has been submitted a year ago. ask them for updated views and what to do next to complete the process

write a letter to the head officer to take follows up on the file has been submitted a year ago. ask them for updated views and what to do next to complete the process RanG
Dear Sir/ Ma'am, I am writing to you to inquire about the government job application which has been submitted to your department on 12th June 2020 wide application number HR/2020/12/07. It's been a long time since awaiting. However, I have applied for this post as a death case of my father. Since I am trying to get on the job on his behalf as I am the eldest person after his death in my home. I have four members in my family include me. My younger sisters are still unmarried and suffering from a lack of education due to financial issue. Hence, I am in a miserable condition. Therefore, I have completed the all process even though resubmitted the documents as requested. Last month, I received a letter for police verification which was also done appropriately in less time. Still, I did not get any information from your side. I want to request you to respond to the requisition. I will be grateful for your positive respnse. It shall really help me to improve my family condition. Thanks
Dear Sir/ Ma'am, I am writing to you to inquire about the
government
job application which has
been submitted
to your department on 12th June 2020 wide application number HR/2020/12/07. It's been a long time since awaiting.
However
, I have applied for this post as a death case of my father. Since I am trying to
get
on the job on his behalf as I am the eldest person after his death in my home. I have four members in my family include me. My younger sisters are
still
unmarried and suffering from a lack of education due to financial issue.
Hence
, I am in a miserable condition.
Therefore
, I have completed the all process
even though
resubmitted the documents as requested. Last month, I received a letter for police verification which was
also
done
appropriately
in less time.
Still
, I did not
get
any information from your side. I want to request you to respond to the requisition. I will be grateful for your
positive
respnse
. It shall
really
help
me to
improve
my family condition. Thanks
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IELTS letter write a letter to the head officer to take follows up on the file has been submitted a year ago. ask them for updated views and what to do next to complete the process

Letter
  American English
1 paragraphs
177 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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