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voluntary work at museum

voluntary work at museum wK8Jl
Dear Sir/Madam, I am writing to you in connection with the advertisement which a part-time volunteer is required for the museum. I am interested in the volunteer job at the museum; my main interest is due to my desire to gain more knowledge about history and archeology. I believe that the job will assist me to develop my expertise about history all around the world alongside studying history in the University. Due to my desire to have more information about the ancient, Greek, Babel and even modern history, I have decided to go to the University this September to study history. In this regard, I am capable of doing some work which will be useful for the museum. in addition of my background which I have already read lot of book about the archeology, I am a good speaker and can easily transfer my knowledge to other people. I am talented to be a museum coach and explain different items with their backgrounds to the visitors. Finally, I am good at direction, as the museum is very big I am able to give the correct direction to the visitors and help them in this regard. In terms of my availability, I am ready to work at the museum on the weekend as I have a free time. Hope my explanation is enough and looking forward to hearing from you at your earliest convenience. Yours faithfully, Zeynab
Dear Sir/Madam,

I am writing to you in connection with the advertisement which a part-time volunteer
is required
for the museum.

I
am interested
in the volunteer job at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
; my main interest is due to my desire to gain more knowledge about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
and archeology.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
believe that the job will assist me to develop my expertise about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
all around the world alongside studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
in the University. Due to my desire to have more information about the ancient, Greek, Babel and even modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
, I have decided to go to the University this September to study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
. In this regard, I am capable of doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
work which will be useful for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
addition
of my background which I have already read
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
book about the archeology, I am a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
speaker and can
easily
transfer my knowledge to other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. I
am talented
to be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
coach and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
items with their backgrounds to the visitors.
Finally
, I am
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at direction, as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
I am able to give the correct direction to the visitors and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in this regard.

In terms of my availability, I am ready to work at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
on the weekend as I have a free time.

Hope my explanation is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
and looking forward to hearing from you at your earliest convenience. Yours
faithfully
,
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
Zeynab
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IELTS letter voluntary work at museum

Letter
  American English
5 paragraphs
235 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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