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The following report appeared in the newsletter of GoldenAge Independent and Assisted Living Facilities for Seniors."A novel therapy has come to our attention that promises to significantly decrease the incidence of dementia in our aging community. Accord

The following report appeared in the newsletter of GoldenAge Independent and Assisted Living Facilities for Seniors. " A novel therapy has come to our attention that promises to significantly decrease the incidence of dementia in our aging community. Accord AjaDe
According to the argument appeared inthe newsletter of GoldenAge Independent and Assited Living Facilities for Seniors, author introduces us with the novel therapy for the prevention or delay of dementia. It was stated that a study of 21-year at Albert Einstein college of Medicine and funded by the National Institute on Ageing that frequent dancing offered the best protection against dementia. Thus author recommends to establish the socisl dance programs at all Goldenage senior residences. This arguments has many holes and assumptions which makes it a failure to expatiate its opinion. First and foremost assumption that social dancing will prevent the onset of dementia. This is totally wrong statement. Though the study was held for 21-year, but how can one rely on that report when it lacks the statistics and evidences for that research? When was the study exactly been done? It may happen that within 21 years this report are done much earlier and now the senerio can change. In the research it surly have use some technique by which the examined that physical activities other that frequent dancing are benefitting the cardiovascular diseases. Hence the argument need the evidences to bolster the assumption and statement. Secondly, social dancing is the activity which mostly left for the young generation and here the report says that seniors should get involve in such activity. Isn't it difficult to make up their mind for this? Then question arises how would they support the social programmes? Would it be possible that they would not move their recidence from independent living appartment to the expensive operated assited living quarters? Finally, we should also let them to get involve in our discussion on prevention of dementia. Possibly we make get to know what exactly they need. Thus argument
According to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
appeared
Possible spelling mistake found.
inthe
newsletter of
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GoldenAge
Independent and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Assited
Living Facilities for Seniors, author introduces us with the novel therapy for the prevention or delay of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dementia
. It
was stated
that a study of 21-year at Albert Einstein college of Medicine and funded by the National Institute on
Possible spelling mistake. 'Ageing' is British English.
Ageing
that frequent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dancing
offered the best protection against
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dementia
.
Thus
author
The verb 'recommends' is used with the gerund form: "recommends establishing".
recommends to establish
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
socisl
dance programs at all
Possible spelling mistake found.
Goldenage
senior residences.
Did you mean "these"?
This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arguments
You should probably use "have", "haven".
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
holes and assumptions which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it a failure to expatiate its opinion.

First
and foremost assumption that social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dancing
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the onset of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dementia
. This is
totally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
statement. Though the study
was held
for 21-year,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
how can one rely on that report when it lacks the statistics and evidences for that research? When was the study exactly
been done
? It may happen that within 21 years this report
are done
much earlier and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
senerio
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
. In the research it surly
Did you mean "has"?
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
technique by which the examined that physical activities other that frequent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dancing
are
Possible spelling mistake found.
benefitting
the cardiovascular diseases.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
need the evidences to bolster the assumption and statement.

Secondly
, social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dancing
is the activity which
mostly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
for the young generation and here the report says that seniors should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involve in such activity. Isn't it difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
up their mind for this? Then question arises how would they support the social
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
? Would it be possible that they would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
their
Possible spelling mistake found.
recidence
from independent living
Possible spelling mistake found.
appartment
to the expensive operated
Possible spelling mistake found.
assited
living quarters?

Finally
, we should
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involve in our discussion on prevention of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dementia
.
Possibly
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know what exactly they need.

Thus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
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IELTS letter The following report appeared in the newsletter of GoldenAge Independent and Assisted Living Facilities for Seniors. " A novel therapy has come to our attention that promises to significantly decrease the incidence of dementia in our aging community. Accord

Letter
  American English
5 paragraphs
292 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • The following report appeared in the newsletter of GoldenAge Independent and Assisted Living Facilities for Seniors."A novel therapy has come to our attention that promises to significantly decrease the incidence of dementia in our aging community. Accord