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The following appeared in the editorial section of a corporate newsletter:"The common notion that workers are generally apathetic about management issues is false, or at least outdated: a recently published survey indicates that 79 percent of the nearly 1

The following appeared in the editorial section of a corporate newsletter: " The common notion that workers are generally apathetic about management issues is false, or at least outdated: a recently published survey indicates that 79 percent of the nearly 1 r8kEn
The argument concludes that the common notion that workers are generally apathetic about company’s management issue is false. To support this conclusion, the author cites that a recent survey shows that 79 percent of the workers responded to the survey expressed high level of interest on the topics of reconstructing corporate and redesigning benefits programs. In my opinion, this argument is not sound, however, by following reasons: First of all, the author mentioned that 79 percent of the 1, 200 workers who responded to the survey showed interest on corporate’s reform. However, this 79 percent is not representative of all the workers in the company as the author didn’t mention how many workers work for this company and how many workers were surveyed. It might be possible that there’re thousands of the workers in the company, but the management team only selected a specific group of workers to participate in the survey, by knowing the fact that this group would express positive views of the company. Therefore, the result of the survey cited can not represent the whole crew of the company’s workers. Moreover, the survey shows that most of the workers who responded to the survey are interested in the topic of corporate reconstructing and the redesign of benefits programs, however, this doesn’t necessarily mean that those workers are not apathetic about company’s management issue. People will seek for changes if they are not satisfied with their current situation, this could be true on those workers in the company. Those workers may be apathetic about the management issue, whereas they still expect the company to become better and reforming is the only way to make this happen. Hence, this evidence is not supportive to the author’s conclusion. In sum, this argument is not compelling as if fails to address many factors that should be illustrated furtherly. In order to proper conclusion, the author would have to do a thorough survey which can illustrate the views from all the workers and show more evidence to prove those who are interested in the topic of company’s reform are not apathetic about the company’s management issue.
The argument concludes that the common notion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
are
generally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apathetic
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
management
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
is false. To support this conclusion, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
cites that a recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
survey
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that 79 percent of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
responded to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
survey
expressed high level of interest on the topics of reconstructing corporate and redesigning benefits programs. In my opinion, this argument is not sound,
however
, by following reasons:

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
mentioned that 79 percent of the 1, 200
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
who responded to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
survey
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
interest on corporate’s reform.
However
, this 79 percent is not representative of all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
didn’t mention how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
work for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
and how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
were surveyed
. It might be possible that there’re thousands of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
management
team
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
selected a specific group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
to participate in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
survey
, by knowing the fact that this group would express
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
views of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
.
Therefore
, the result of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
survey
cited can not represent the whole crew of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company’s
workers.

Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
survey
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
who responded to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
survey
are interested
in the topic of corporate reconstructing and the redesign of benefits programs,
however
, this doesn’t
necessarily
mean that those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
are not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apathetic
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
management
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
will seek for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
if they are not satisfied with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
situation, this could be true on those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
. Those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
may be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apathetic
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
management
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
, whereas they
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
to become better and reforming is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
this happen.
Hence
, this evidence is not supportive to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author’s
conclusion.

In sum, this argument is not compelling as if fails to address
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factors that should
be illustrated
Possible spelling mistake found.
furtherly
. In order to proper conclusion, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do a thorough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
survey
which can illustrate the views from all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
more evidence to prove those who
are interested
in the topic of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company’s
reform are not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apathetic
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
management
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
.
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IELTS letter The following appeared in the editorial section of a corporate newsletter: " The common notion that workers are generally apathetic about management issues is false, or at least outdated: a recently published survey indicates that 79 percent of the nearly 1

Letter
  American English
4 paragraphs
354 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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