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Room sharing with a college friend ,

Room sharing with a college friend, 6lqlK
Dear Sir, Requesting accommodation in a different place, As you may aware that I am sharing my room with another student who is in the same college. I would like to inform you that I am not happy to share my room with him due to many reasons. My room mate is inviting his friends to the room and start parties sometimes parties will be end next day early in the morning, they wash movies and start playing games, sometimes without my permission they used my personal items as well, In this circumstances it is very hard for me to concentrate for my studies, I am looking for a place where that I do my studies peacefully, I would really appreciate if you can provide a room that only I can use and where it is not much notice, Thank you for your understanding, for any clarification please do not hesitate to contact me or send me a message that I can see you, Thank you Yours truly N C Weerasuriya
Dear Sir,

Requesting accommodation in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
place,

“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
you may aware that I am sharing my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
with another student who is in the same college. I would like to inform you that I am not happy to share my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
with him due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons.

My
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
room mate
is inviting his friends to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
parties
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
parties will be
Consider using a past participle here: "ended".
end
next
day early in the morning, they wash movies and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
playing games,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
without my permission they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
my personal items
as well
,

In
Did you mean "these"?
this
circumstances it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for me to concentrate for my studies, I am looking for a place where that I do my studies
peacefully
, I would
really
appreciate if you can provide a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
I can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
and where it is not much notice,

Thank you for your understanding, for any clarification
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
please
do not hesitate to contact me or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
me a message that I can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
you,

Thank you

Yours
truly


N C
Possible spelling mistake found.
Weerasuriya

IELTS letter Room sharing with a college friend,

Letter
  American English
9 paragraphs
170 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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