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Requesting to work in Spain office for six months

Requesting to work in Spain office for six months pKolw
Dear Manager, I have been having some issues due to my personal problem for last one year. I was wondering to change my day today activities as lot of memories keep haunting me. Therefore I’m requesting you to arrange me a way to work in our company’s head office in Spain for six months. Thanks to the technology I can manage the the work and attend to all the meetings while I’m in Spain. And also it would be a good opportunity for me to watch and learn how our Spain team is attending to the critical customer calls and resolve the issues. As you are my reporting manager, it would be great if you could help me on this request by considering my contribution to the company for last 7 years. Looking forward to hearing from you on this soon. Yours Sincerely, isuru
Dear Manager,

I have been having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
issues due to my personal problem for last one year. I was wondering to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
my day
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
activities as
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
memories
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
haunting me.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
I’m requesting you to arrange me a way to work in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
’s head office in Spain for six months.

Thanks to the technology I can manage
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "the" is left.
the the
work and attend to all the meetings while I’m in Spain. And
also
it would be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
opportunity for me to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
and learn how our Spain team is attending to the critical customer calls and resolve the issues.

As you are my reporting manager, it would be great if you could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
me on this request by considering my contribution to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
for last 7 years. Looking forward to hearing from you on this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.

Yours
Sincerely
,

Possible spelling mistake found.
isuru

IELTS letter Requesting to work in Spain office for six months

Letter
  American English
6 paragraphs
143 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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