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Regrets of your smartphone addiction

Regrets of your smartphone addiction 2W2k
Hi, my name is MAHMUT YASİR and my school number is 202632052. Today I will talk about two things I remorseful since I have my smartphone. Actually, I have much contrition about my smartphone but these are my biggest penitence. In fact, it all started when my father bought a computer when I was 6. I was really happy to have a computer because I knew that I can play many games with this computer. For children, fun from something the most important topic in their life. If they can fun they don’t care about another thing. And the computer was an amazing device which has many fun things. At first times I was playing just half an hour or an hour but not more than that. I was like the other children in other times. I was playing with my toys with my friends. However, the computer was changing things I enjoy. More and more, other fun things didn't seem enjoyable to me. I was slowly getting sick but then, like so many other things, I started getting tired of it. My sickness stopped until I bought my first smartphone. Smartphones were more dangerous than computers because you can carry your phone everywhere, you can play mobile games whenever you want. Even though it is fun, my sickness has a side effect, getting bored of something quickly, and it was driving you crazy, you had to find something that you wouldn't be bored with, or you were suffering from withdrawal syndrome, just as a drug addict hurts others and himself when he doesn't take his drugs. One day I was telling my situation to my friend when I was in school and he told me the Chinese fantasy books which translated into English. I was reading fantasy books but I couldn't find the kind of books I enjoyed very often. When he told it, I said to my self that’s it, these books are what you search for a long time, I was like a drug addict who had just found a better drug. And these all ruined my life, I couldn’t improve myself, I couldn’t have a social life I was in the worst position that I could be. In doing all this, I was aware of what was happening to me and the consequences that were going to happen. But when I got rid of it, I felt deep regret, why I didn't develop myself in something that would be useful to me, why I didn't learn more useful information, why I didn't make good friends, I felt like I was so stupid. I wished all this hadn't happened. I wish I had never met computers or smartphones. , but there's no medicine for regrets, and I've been working with the words “whenever you turn from loss, there is gain’’. I am developing my foreign language which I must, I am reading books that will be beneficial for me, I'm investigating things that can helpful for me, I'm trying to find out the occupations that I can make money. I'm much happier now, freed from going like a ship without a route, freed from my sense of emptiness inside me. This is my life full of regrets, and I hope that other people will also realize their mistakes and deal with things that will be useful to them.
Hi, my name is
Possible spelling mistake found.
MAHMUT
Possible spelling mistake found.
YASİR
and my school number is 202632052. T
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
oday
I will talk about two things I remorseful since I have my smartphone. Actually, I have much contrition about my smartphone b
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
ut
these are my biggest penitence. In fact, it all s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tarted
when my father b
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ought
a computer when I was 6. I was
really
happy to have a computer b
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
ecause
I knew that I can play m
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
any
games with this computer. For children,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fun
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
something
the most i
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
mportant
topic in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fun
they don’t care about another thing. And the computer was an amazing device which has m
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fun
things. At f
irst
times I was playing j
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
ust
half an hour or an hour b
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
ut
not more than that. I was like the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
children in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
times. I was playing with my toys with my friends. H
owever,
the computer was changing things I enjoy. More and more,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fun
things didn't seem enjoyable to me. I was
slowly
getting sick b
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
ut
then, like s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
o
m
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
things, I s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tarted
getting tired of it. My sickness s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
topped
until I b
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ought
my f
irst
smartphone. Smartphones were more d
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
angerous
than computers b
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
ecause
you can carry your phone everywhere, you can play mobile games whenever you want. E
ven though
it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fun
, my sickness has a side effect, getting
In standard English it's more accepted to use "bored with" or "bored by".
bored of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
something
quickly
, and it was driving you crazy, you had to find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
something
that you wouldn't
be bored
with, or you were suffering from withdrawal syndrome, j
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
ust
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
addict hurts others and himself when he doesn't take his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
. One day I was telling my situation to my friend when I was in
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
school and
he t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
old
me the Chinese fantasy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
which translated into English. I was reading fantasy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
b
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
ut
I couldn't find the kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
I enjoyed v
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
ery
o
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
ften.
When he t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
old
it, I said to my self that’s it, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
are what you search for a long time, I was like a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
addict who had j
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
ust
found a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
. And these all ruined my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, I couldn’t i
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
mprove
myself, I couldn’t have a social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
I was in the worst position that I could be. In doing all this, I was aware of what was happening to me and the consequences that were going to happen. B
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
ut
when I g
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ot
rid of it, I felt deep regret, why I didn't develop myself in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
something
that would be useful to me, why I didn't learn more useful information, why I didn't m
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ake
g
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ood
friends, I felt like I was s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
o
stupid. I wished all this hadn't happened. I wish I had never met computers or smartphones.
Loose punctuation mark.
,
b
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
ut
there's no medicine for regrets, and I've been working with the words “whenever you turn from loss, there is gain’’. I am developing my foreign language which I m
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ust,
I am reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
that will be beneficial for me, I'm investigating things that can helpful for me, I'm trying to find out the occupations that I can m
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ake
money. I'm much happier n
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ow,
freed from going like a ship without a route, freed from my sense of emptiness inside me. This is my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
full of regrets, and I hope that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
p
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
eople
will a
lso
realize their mistakes and deal with things that will be useful to them.
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IELTS letter Regrets of your smartphone addiction

Letter
  American English
1 paragraphs
561 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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