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Please tell us about your study plan in Canada

Please tell us about your study plan in Canada RkrLP
I am NGUYEN, Minh Khoa, born on September 09, 2006, of 56/01 Van Hanh, Hoc Mon, Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam. I would like to study high school program at Bishop McNally Secondary (Calgary Catholic School District) in Calgary, Alberta. I am writing this letter to support my application for study permit. Below is my study history:  From Sep. 2017 to Jun. 2020: Completed Grade 6 to 8 at Nguyen An Khuong Junior High School  From Sep. 2020 to Jun. 2021: Just completed Grade 9 at Nguyen An Khuong High School for the Gifted with GPA 8. 7 in Semester 01  Current: Finish the school year 2020 – 2021 and prepare for the grade 10 entrance exam  On October 27, 2019: Obtained IELTS 7. 0 During my study at schools, I have reached excellent achievements. With outstanding English skills, I have won a number of prizes from English speaking competitions at different levels. In 2018 and 2019, I participated in the English Champion organized by iSMART EDUCATION. The English Champion is a multi-disciplinary knowledge competition and synthesis of many skills, towards the use of English as a second language. This national playground is for talented global citizens from grade 3 and grade 8. The team formed by my friends and I went to the third round which was the final round in Vietnam. Then, we won a medal for our fine performance. In addition, I have joined a group of English loving people who want to introduce the beauty of Vietnamese tradition to international friends. We also learn a lot about other countries’ culture around the world. We made a video finding out Korean culture to participate in the English Speaking Festival, in which we entered the final round. Please refer to the Youtube link of the video that we made to take part in the contest as below. https: //www. youtube. com/watch? app=desktop&v=pQytdKm7EjM&feature=youtu. be&gidzl=T6rMHMM_V3zrUrH1Og9_E7HzLqL_eIfeQ2WB6NcZSJC-ULWPAgDmP3yjNqqgfI9ZRdeD7JabwXb8OxHxDG I choose to complete high school program in Canada because I want to get well-prepared for my higher education. My high school program will start on September 08, 2021 and end on 30 June 2023. Canada is considered as one of the most attracting destinations for international students. My school - Bishop McNally Secondary (Calgary Catholic School District), is located in in Calgary, Alberta so it will not make me feel too overwhelmed with the new environment. Calgary is safe and provides students with high quality of education. Upon completion of high school program, I intend to apply for Bachelor of Computer Science at a high ranked university in Canada like UCB, McGill University or McMaster University. I believe that I will be successful in my study and career path with my academic capacity and financial support from my parents. I look forward to receiving your approval on my application for study permit. Thank you for your time and consideration. Yours sincerely,
I am NGUYEN,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Minh
Possible spelling mistake found.
Khoa
, born on September 09, 2006, of 56/01 Van
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Hanh
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Hoc
Mon, Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam. I would like to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
at Bishop
McNally
Secondary (Calgary Catholic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
School
District) in Calgary, Alberta.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
am writing this letter to support my application for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
permit.

Below is my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
history:

 From Sep. 2017 to Jun. 2020: Completed
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Grade
6 to 8 at Nguyen An
Possible spelling mistake found.
Khuong
Junior
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High
School

 From Sep. 2020 to Jun. 2021:
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
completed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Grade
9 at Nguyen An
Possible spelling mistake found.
Khuong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
High
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
School
for the Gifted with GPA 8. 7 in Semester 01

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Current
: Finish the
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school
year 2020 – 2021 and prepare for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grade
10 entrance
Possible agreement error. The noun 'exam' seems to be countable, so consider using: "exams".
exam


 On October 27, 2019: Obtained IELTS 7. 0

During my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, I have reached excellent achievements. With outstanding English
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, I have won a number of prizes from
Did you mean the adjective "English-speaking"?
English speaking
competitions at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
levels. In 2018 and 2019, I participated in the English Champion organized by
Possible spelling mistake found.
iSMART
EDUCATION. The English Champion is a multi-disciplinary knowledge competition and synthesis of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, towards the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of English as a second language. This national playground is for talented global citizens from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grade
3 and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grade
8. The team formed by my friends and I went to the third round which was the final round in Vietnam. Then, we won a medal for our fine performance.

In addition
, I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
a group of English loving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who want to introduce the beauty of Vietnamese tradition to international friends. We
also
learn a lot about other countries’ culture around the world. We made a video finding out Korean culture to participate in the
Did you mean the adjective "English-speaking"?
English Speaking
Festival, in which we entered the final round.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Please
refer to the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Youtube
link of the video that we made to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in the contest as below.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
https
: //
Possible spelling mistake found.
www
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
youtube
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
com
/
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
?
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
app
=
Possible spelling mistake found.
desktop&v
=pQytdKm7EjM&feature=
Possible spelling mistake found.
youtu
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
be&gidzl
=T6rMHMM_V3zrUrH1Og9_E7HzLqL_
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
eIfeQ2WB6NcZSJC-ULWPAgDmP3yjNqqgfI9ZRdeD7JabwXb8OxHxDG


I choose to complete
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high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
in Canada
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
well-prepared for my higher education. My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
on September 08,
Some style guides suggest that commas should set off the year in a month-day-year date: "2021,".
2021
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
on 30 June 2023. Canada
is considered
as one of the most attracting destinations for international students. My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
Bishop
McNally
Secondary (Calgary Catholic
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School
District),
is located
Possible typo: you repeated a word
in in
Calgary, Alberta
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
me feel too overwhelmed with the new environment. Calgary is safe and provides students with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
quality of education.

Upon completion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
, I intend to apply for Bachelor of Computer Science at a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
ranked university in Canada like UCB, McGill University or McMaster University. I believe that I will be successful in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
and career path with my academic capacity and financial support from my parents.

I look forward to receiving your approval on my application for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
permit. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Yours
sincerely
,
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IELTS letter Please tell us about your study plan in Canada

Letter
  American English
12 paragraphs
477 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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