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my friend and some peole think that spending time with family is not important

my friend and some peole think that spending time with family is not important kWKjK
Dear Danny, How are you today? I hope you have a nice day. I have read your tweet on Twitter. I received some experiences from your tweet and thank you for that. However, there are some point I disagreement with you that it isn’t necessary that spending time with family. I am writing an email to share my opinion. I hope after you had read it, you could your mind. Some people think that spending time with family isn’t important. There may be two reasons. Firstly, they consider something more important than family. Because after hard working days, they want to relax and travel without to invest energy with family. They think it makes they too tired and wastes your time. Instead, they can hang out with friend and date. Secondly, they think that family relationships can remain forever with any attempt and take it for granted. Instead, social relationships must try hard to improve. They told me it would help them in work and life. So they spend more time for social activities than to their family. According my opinion, I think you should spend more time with family. When you invest more energy with your family, it improves mental health for you. Family will help you reduce stress, work-life balance. You will become more responsible with family. Besides you are being loved and appreciated by family members, they meet emotional you need. Throught they will give you movovation to duet with problem in work-life. In 2nd years of collage, I was too tired and stress in school. I didn’t have time with family. I thought that spending time with family was wasting too much time, it made me annoying. However, I received some phone calls, the care from my family. I didn’t feel tired but I feel more comfortable and happier. I change my mind and I realized that family is the most important. I decided spend more time with family. I travelled and had a party with them so my relationship with family became better. So you should try to spend time with family. You can strengthen family bonds by sharing everyday activities as sport, camping, act. Simply, you can cook a meal or watch a movie with them. It creates harmonious atmostphere from that form strong, emotional ties. I hope my advise can help you change your mind about spending time with family. If you want to ask me, give me a call. I will be happy to help you. I hope to hear from you soon. Best regrets, PThao.
Dear Danny,

How are you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
? I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hope
you have a nice day. I have read your tweet on Twitter.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
received
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
experiences from your tweet and thank you for that.
However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
point I disagreement with you that it isn’t necessary that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. I am writing an email to share my opinion. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hope
after you had read it, you could your mind.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
isn’t
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. There may be two reasons.
Firstly
, they consider something more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
after
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
hard working
days, they want to relax and travel without to invest energy with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
they too tired and wastes your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Instead
, they can hang out with friend and date.
Secondly
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
relationships can remain forever with any attempt and take it for granted.
Instead
, social relationships
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
try
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
me it would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them in work and life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for social activities than to their family.

It appears that a preposition is missing after 'According'.
According my
opinion, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
you should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. When you invest more energy with your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
mental health for you.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Family
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, work-life balance. You will become more responsible with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Besides
you are being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
and appreciated by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
emotional you need.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Throught
they will give you
Possible spelling mistake found.
movovation
to duet with problem in work-life.

In 2nd years of collage, I was too tired and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
in school. I didn’t have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
was wasting too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, it made me annoying.
However
, I received
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
phone calls, the care from my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. I didn’t feel tired
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I feel more comfortable and happier. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
my mind and I realized that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
decided
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
travelled and had a party with them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
my relationship with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
became better.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
you

should try to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. You can strengthen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
bonds by sharing everyday activities as sport, camping, act.
Simply
, you can cook a meal or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
a movie with them. It creates harmonious
Possible spelling mistake found.
atmostphere
from that form strong, emotional ties.

I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hope
my
The word 'advise' is a verb. Did you mean "advice" (noun)?
advise
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
your mind about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. If you want to ask me, give me a call. I will be happy to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
you. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hope
to hear from you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.

Best regrets,

Possible spelling mistake found.
PThao
.
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IELTS letter my friend and some peole think that spending time with family is not important

Letter
  American English
8 paragraphs
424 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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