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MOTIVATION LETTER FOR HUNGARIAN GOVERNMENT SCHOLARSHIP PROGRAM

MOTIVATION LETTER FOR HUNGARIAN GOVERNMENT SCHOLARSHIP PROGRAM neWk7
To whom it may concern. I am writing to inform my interest in studying Business Administration and Management also I am interested of studying in Hungary. I am a senior in Ulaanbaatar, Mongolia. In this school I learn maths and English as specialized subjects. Since my early childhood I`ve been interested in being a good economist and businessman. That I`ve graduated from my elementary school-in Sant of UB advanced in maths and English. Than I am grateful to have been taught by a number of intelligent, educated and well-qualified teachers throughout grade school. After my graduation from secondary school I entered the oldest and best school of Mongolia School №1 occupational in maths and English. Now I’m learning not only maths and English but also financial course training and professional course of economy in my high school. During my studies I’ve always took part in different Olympiads and competitions of maths & physics successfully. Also I’ve joined the volunteer students team work at school. We have done many different social works together. So I have skills to work in team as well Business administration and management. Given my education and skills, I am confident that I am an excellent student among my classmates & students of my age. In the truly want to study in university of business of my country. This is why I’ve developed an interest in maths and physics, economy and finance. I know that Hungary and Mongolia have had good relationship for over 60 years, also people of our countries have same birth sign-blue spots. I’ve heard that there are many good universities and libraries rich in books in Hungary. So I believe that in your university I can gain exceptionally good education. If you have any further questions please don’t hesitate to contact me. Yours sincerely, KHAS-ERDENE Sosorbaram
To whom it may concern.

I am writing to inform my interest in studying Business Administration and Management
also
I
am interested
of studying in Hungary.

I am a senior in Ulaanbaatar, Mongolia. In this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
I learn
Possible spelling mistake. 'maths' is British English.
maths
and English as specialized subjects. Since my early childhood
You used an accent character instead of an apostrophe. Please use either "I've" or "I’ve".
I`ve
been interested
in being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
economist and businessman. That
You used an accent character instead of an apostrophe. Please use either "I've" or "I’ve".
I`ve
graduated from my elementary school-in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sant
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
UB
advanced in
Possible spelling mistake. 'maths' is British English.
maths
and English.
Did you mean "Then"?
Than
I am grateful to have
been taught
by a number of intelligent, educated and well-qualified teachers throughout grade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. After my graduation from secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
I entered the oldest and best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
of Mongolia
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
School
№1 occupational in
Possible spelling mistake. 'maths' is British English.
maths
and English.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
I’m learning not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
Possible spelling mistake. 'maths' is British English.
maths
and English
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
financial course training and professional course of economy in my high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. During my studies I’ve always
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "taken".
took
part in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Olympiads and competitions of
Possible spelling mistake. 'maths' is British English.
maths
& physics
successfully
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
I’ve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
the volunteer students team work at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. We have done
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
social works together.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to work in team
as well
Business administration and management.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
my education and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, I am confident that I am an excellent student among my classmates & students of my age. In the
truly
want to study in university of business of my country. This is why I’ve developed an interest in
Possible spelling mistake. 'maths' is British English.
maths
and physics, economy and finance.

I know that Hungary and Mongolia have had
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
relationship for over 60 years,
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of our countries have same
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "birthed".
birth
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
-blue spots. I’ve heard that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
universities and libraries rich in books in Hungary.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I believe that in your university I can gain
exceptionally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
education.

“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
you have any
further
questions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
please
don’t hesitate to contact me.

Yours
sincerely
,

Possible spelling mistake found.
KHAS-ERDENE
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sosorbaram
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IELTS letter MOTIVATION LETTER FOR HUNGARIAN GOVERNMENT SCHOLARSHIP PROGRAM

Letter
  American English
9 paragraphs
302 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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