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Letter of asking information

Letter of asking information BW0VX
Dear Sir/Madam I am writing you to ask some essential information about the travel, you arranged next month for school pupils. I was informed a little about it, but I think I must gather sufficient date because of some of my pupils. Firstly, I want to know how many days lasts the travelling, what kind of activities are arranged to do during the holiday. Having heard the news I investigated my pupils once more that they had any problems with money or their health. Afterwards I understand few of them have the same problems as I asked. It is interesting how many participators can take discounts, and have you arranged to take any doctor with you, for taking care for children's health. Moreover, can you list necessary belongings, and the certain plan of the travelling. I have attached some information and my number whether you need to ask something feel free to call me any time. I look forward to hearing from you as soon as you investigate my letter and attached materials.
Dear Sir/Madam

I am writing you to ask
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
essential information about the travel, you arranged
next
month for school pupils.

I
was informed
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
about it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
gather sufficient date
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of my pupils.
Firstly
, I want to know how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
days lasts the travelling, what kind of activities
are arranged
to do during the holiday. Having heard the news I investigated my pupils once more that they had any problems with money or their health. Afterwards I understand few of them have the same problems as I asked. It is interesting how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
participators can take discounts, and have you arranged to take any doctor with you, for taking care for children's health.
Moreover
, can you list necessary belongings, and the certain plan of the travelling. I have attached
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
information and my number whether you need to ask something feel free to call me any time.

I look forward to hearing from you as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as you investigate my letter and attached materials.
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IELTS letter Letter of asking information

Letter
  American English
3 paragraphs
173 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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