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write about your personal statement

write about your personal statement 6p70l
Dear sir/madam I am writing this letter to describe to you the extent of my passion and my interest of the study of medicine. I want to join your university because it is the best university in Bahrain, and it is a distinguished university in the field of medicine and this specialization fits my ambition to become a skillful doctor with your sincere help. I am Maryam Malalla. I am 17 years old and I am studying in Sitra Secondary School. My school is in Sitra Island in Bahrain. My current GPA is 99. 7%. I am very interested in biology and chemistry. I have a link with medicine because I am calm person and I love to listen to people complaints and worries and trying to help them such as my friends. I decided to be a doctor when I look at my brother Abdulla Malalla. He is my idol. He is an engineer when I see how he is working hard and try his best I feel that I want to be like him in the future. My passion to learn more about the human body is another overwhelming motive that drives me to go on with further study of medicine. My biology class is one of my favorite classes throughout my school years. I always participate effectively during biology lessons not mentioning the praise I receive from my biology teachers who anticipate a bright future for me in the field of medicine. Being one factor of relieving someone's pains and wiping out their suffering is considered a corner stone of my personality. I am well known among my peers as a so tolerant person plus my passion to listen to others’ problems and sharing their hard times. Whenever I talk to one of my friends or neighbors, I always have that thing in mind, I am being dictated by my heart and mind that I should do something to help that person. All of that had a grasp of me and led me to apply for the study of medicine in your well known and respected university. I plan to study Psychology after medicine because I love mental processes and brain functions. I have a motto in my life which is " work hard to get what you want”. I don’t care about the number of years I will study as I will get into the university like I’m going to my other home, and I am sure I will enjoy my study there. When it comes to language acquisition, I have some courses in English in the British Council in Bahrain and I will submit to IELTS soon as my passion for learning never stops. I enclose a recommendation notice from my biology teacher, English teacher as a reference for my good manners and my performance in classes. I really hope that my ambitions and qualifications meet your superior criteria since I am completely ready to do my best to become a skillful physician. I look forward to hearing from you soon. Yours faithfully, Maryam Malalla 38454379
Dear sir/madam

I am writing this letter to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
to you the extent of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
passion
and my interest of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
. I want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
in Bahrain, and it is a distinguished
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
in the field of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
and this specialization fits my ambition to become a skillful doctor with your sincere
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
am
Possible spelling mistake found.
Maryam
Possible spelling mistake found.
Malalla
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
am 17 years
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
old and
I am studying in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sitra
Secondary School. My school is in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sitra
Island in Bahrain. My
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
GPA is 99. 7%. I am
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
interested in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
biology
and chemistry. I have a link with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I am calm person and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to listen to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
complaints and worries and trying to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them such as my friends.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
decided to be a doctor when I look at my brother
Possible spelling mistake found.
Abdulla
Possible spelling mistake found.
Malalla
. He is my idol. He is an engineer when I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
how he is working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and try his best I feel that I want to be like him in the future.

My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
passion
to learn more about the human body is another overwhelming motive that drives me to go on with
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
. My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
biology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
is one of my favorite classes throughout my school years. I always participate
effectively
during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
biology
lessons not mentioning the praise I receive from my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
biology
teachers who anticipate a bright future for me in the field of medicine.

Being one factor of relieving someone's pains and wiping out their suffering
is considered
a corner stone of my personality. I am well known among my peers as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
tolerant person plus my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
passion
to listen to others’ problems and sharing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
times. Whenever I talk to one of my friends or neighbors, I always have that thing in mind, I am
being dictated
by my heart and mind that I should do something to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
that person. All of that had a grasp of me and led me to apply for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
in your well known and respected university.

I plan to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
Psychology after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
mental processes and brain functions. I have a motto in my life which is
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
"
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
what you want”.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
don’t care about the number of years I will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
as I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
like I’m going to my other home, and I am sure I will enjoy my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
there. When it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to language acquisition, I have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
courses in English in the British Council in Bahrain and I will submit to IELTS
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
passion
for learning never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stops
.

I enclose a recommendation notice from my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
biology
teacher, English teacher as a reference for my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
manners and my performance in classes. I
really
hope that my ambitions and qualifications
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
your superior criteria since I am completely ready to do my best to become a skillful physician.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
look forward to hearing from you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.

Yours
faithfully
,

Possible spelling mistake found.
Maryam
Possible spelling mistake found.
Malalla


38454379
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IELTS letter write about your personal statement

Letter
  American English
10 paragraphs
510 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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