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job request as a chef in restaurant

job request as a chef in restaurant 5kn6e
Dear Sir Smith, I hope you are well. I am writing to request a chef position in any branch in New York City. We met on an airplane, and I was sitting next to you. We were traveling to London on 5th May. I started eating a piece of snack you asked me about it. You were amazed about its smell, and our long talking started. Although I majored in ecotourism, I was interested in cooking, and I traveled a lot to learn a new recipe from any culture. Therefore China and India were good places to learn about foods and additives. I am a seasoned cooker who has been working for ten years in an international restaurant in Hong Kong. Moreover, I passed some specialized courses. for example, two-month stage sushi, two-month stage squid. I look forward to receiving your answer at your earliest convenience. In case that you need any additional information, kindly do not hesitate to contact me. Yours sincerely, Hamed Borzouei
Dear Sir Smith,

I hope you are well. I am writing to request a chef position in any branch in New York City.

We met on an airplane, and I was sitting
next
to you.

We were traveling to London on 5th May. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
eating a piece of snack you asked me about it.

You
were amazed
about its smell, and our long talking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
.

Although I majored in ecotourism, I
was interested
in cooking, and I traveled a lot to learn a new recipe from any culture.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
China and India were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
places to learn about foods and additives.

I am a seasoned cooker who has been working for ten years in an international restaurant in Hong Kong.
Moreover
, I passed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
specialized courses.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
for
example, two-month stage sushi, two-month stage squid.

I look forward to receiving your answer at your earliest convenience. In case that you need any additional information, kindly do not hesitate to contact me.

Yours
sincerely
,

Possible spelling mistake found.
Hamed
Possible spelling mistake found.
Borzouei
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IELTS letter job request as a chef in restaurant

Letter
  American English
10 paragraphs
164 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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