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I am writing to complain about mobile phone which I recently bought from your shop.After only three days, things started to go wrong.

I am writing to complain about mobile phone which I recently bought from your shop. After only three days, things started to go wrong. rLxK2
On December 21 viseted one of your local shops in order to buy a mobile phone myself. Looking around the shop I encountered expected item. and I asked a shop assistants about it. After getting all information I decided to purchase it four days later I know that about the problem of the item. When I used the mobile phone for the first time it worked properly and the battery is dead. Howewer, when I utilized it the second time there seemed to have been a malfunection while it was working. Furthermore, when I tried mobile phone another the same thing happened. In addition to this the machine did not work the another chargers. I am looking forward to hearing from you soon as soon as possible and to receiving a new mobile phone. Please give this matter your immediate attention. Yours faithfully, Kamolov Jamol
On December 21
Possible spelling mistake found.
viseted
one of your local shops in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
myself. Looking around the shop I encountered
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
item.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
and
I asked a shop assistants about it.
“After” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
After
getting all information I decided to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
it four days later I know that about the problem of the item. When I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
the mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
for the
first
time it worked
properly
and the battery is dead.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Howewer
, when I utilized it the second time there seemed to have been a
Possible spelling mistake found.
malfunection
while it was working.
Furthermore
, when I tried mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
another the same thing happened.
In addition
to this the machine did not work the another chargers. I am looking forward to hearing from you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible and to receiving a new mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Please
give this matter your immediate attention. Yours
faithfully
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kamolov
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
Jamol

IELTS letter I am writing to complain about mobile phone which I recently bought from your shop. After only three days, things started to go wrong.

Letter
  American English
1 paragraphs
144 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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