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Giving advise to friend for her first camping holiday

Giving advise to friend for her first camping holiday MrP5e
Dear Suzy, How's everything? I'm glad to hear that you'll have an amazing camping holiday for the first time in this summertime. I'm extremely excited for you and can't help myself to share my camping experiences with you. Camping holiday is a fantastic idea especially in the summertime. Most of the people prefer to go camping in summertime due to the fact that it is the best time to enjoy life after their hard-working day. One of the reasons you should go camping in summertime is you will see numerous beautiful scenery, the view of falling leaves and many adventures which you will never forget. Also, you can make a plethora of new friends from different places during the camping holiday. That will give you an understanding of various cultures and about nature that you have never known previously. Furthermore, you can enjoy some social activities that are interesting and will make you happy. But, everything has pros and cons. Based on my experience here is the list of the activities that you need to take care and avoid during the camping. First your skin will get sunburn if you're going out without applying suncream. By applying sun cream, wearing a hat and staying under the shade will help to prevent your skin from getting damaged. Second, during the camping you can get ill easily in light of the unprecedented changes of weather so you need to bring medicines and don't forget to bring a raincoat just in case. Actually, I wanted to go camping with you. On the contrary, unfortunately, I need to go to New York on that day to meet with my Dad. I hope we can go together next time. The last thing I want to tell you is, enjoy your camping holiday buddy. See you very soon. With love, Yours! Yuki
Dear Suzy,

How's everything? I'm glad to hear that you'll have an amazing camping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holiday
for the
first
time in this
Consider using "summer".
summertime
. I'm
extremely
excited for you and can't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
myself to share my camping experiences with you.

Camping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holiday
is a fantastic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
especially
in the
Consider using "summer".
summertime
. Most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer to go camping in
Consider using "summer".
summertime
due to the fact that it is the best time to enjoy life after their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-working day. One of the reasons you should go camping in
Consider using "summer".
summertime
is you will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
numerous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
scenery, the view of falling
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
adventures which you will never forget.
Also
, you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a plethora of new friends from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
places during the camping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holiday
. That will give you an understanding of various cultures and about nature that you have never known previously.
Furthermore
, you can enjoy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
social activities that are interesting and will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
you happy.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, everything has pros and cons. Based on my experience here is the list of the activities that you need to take care and avoid during the camping.
First
your skin will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
sunburn if you're going out without applying
Possible spelling mistake found.
suncream
. By applying sun cream, wearing a hat and staying under the shade will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
your skin from getting damaged. Second, during the camping you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
ill
easily
in light of the unprecedented
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
of weather
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
you need to bring medicines and don't forget to bring a raincoat
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
in case. Actually, I wanted to go camping with you.
On the contrary
, unfortunately, I need to go to New York on that day to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
with my Dad. I hope we can go together
next
time. The last thing I want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
you is, enjoy your camping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holiday
buddy.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
See
you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.

With
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
,

Yours!

Possible spelling mistake found.
Yuki
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IELTS letter Giving advise to friend for her first camping holiday

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
305 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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