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ENERAL STATEMENT of PURPOSE

ENERAL STATEMENT of PURPOSE K3Byw
Being a successful member of society has always been of great importance for human beings. I am no exception to this fact. Reading through books in the library some years ago, I was exposed to this statement which changed my attitude towards the world. What I outlined above is something that took me some time to discover. I strictly believe that one should plan their life according to their talents and interests; they should dare to dream of the best and try to achieve their dreams through innate diligence. As a senior in high school, I had to take the national university entrance exam to register for a university. I had to make a big decision to choose my major. Eventually, I chose the Computer Engineering major. As I had passed Iran’s national entrance exam successfully, I could enter one of the state universities to study Computer Engineering for free. While a student at University of Yazd, I had the opportunity to transfer to Ferdowsi University of Mashhad and continue my study there. That brought me several valuable soft skills such as team-work, problem-solving, decision-making, adaptability, and time management as well as lots of technical skills that I learn in each and every course that I have passed, that will undoubtedly contribute to my success in this role. After graduation, I started working to refine my knowledge and skills until now. I believe that my academic background, training, and work experience have prepared me perfectly to attend the Applied Statistics Program. Working for a company that implemented financial information processing for various high-ranked industrial or service enterprises, I have always been keen on analyzing the data to help the companies make more reliable decisions. Through cooperating with different organizations, I found out most of them encountered several difficulties while trying to apply technological developments. Therefore, I have always been eager to learn skills to remove these obstacles. Furthermore, as an engineer, I have always been fascinated by all the technological innovations happening all over the world. Thus, I have a strong tendency to believe that attending the Master of Applied Statistics would offer one of the best opportunities for my future career. Taking everything into consideration, I believe attending this program will be the most logical extension of my academic pursuits, also a significant step towards achieving my objectives. As I was interested in the data Science field, recently I have also participated in courses related to data science in Coursera.  I can say I got the IBM Data Science Professional Certificate. 

I will be grateful if you give me the chance to attend this program. I know that I can make a positive contribution. Thank you for your time and consideration. Respectfully, Reihaneh Baghishani
Being a successful member of society has always been of great importance for human beings. I am no exception to this fact. Reading through books in the library
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
years ago, I
was exposed
to this statement which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
my attitude towards the world. What I outlined above is something that took me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time to discover. I
strictly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that one should plan their life according to their talents and interests; they should dare to dream of the best and try to achieve their dreams through innate diligence. As a senior in high school, I had to take the national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
entrance exam to register for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
. I had to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
decision to choose my major.
Eventually
, I chose the Computer Engineering major. As I had passed Iran’s national entrance exam
successfully
, I could enter one of the state
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
to study Computer Engineering for free. While a student at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Yazd
, I had the opportunity to transfer to
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ferdowsi
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
of Mashhad and continue my study there. That brought me several valuable soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
such as team-work, problem-solving, decision-making, adaptability, and time management
as well
as lots of technical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
that I learn in each and every course that I have passed, that will
undoubtedly
contribute to my success in this role.

After graduation, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
working to refine my knowledge and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
until
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that my academic background, training, and work experience have prepared me
perfectly
to attend the Applied Statistics Program. Working for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
that implemented financial information processing for various high-ranked industrial or service enterprises, I have always been keen on analyzing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more reliable decisions. Through cooperating with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
organizations, I found out most of them encountered several difficulties while trying to apply technological developments.
Therefore
, I have always been eager to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
to remove these obstacles.
Furthermore
, as an engineer, I have always
been fascinated
by all the technological innovations happening all over the world.
Thus
, I have a strong tendency to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that attending the Master of Applied Statistics would offer one of the best opportunities for my future career. Taking everything into consideration, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
attending this program will be the most logical extension of my academic pursuits,
also
a significant step towards achieving my objectives.

As I
was interested
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
Science field, recently I have
also
participated in courses related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
science in Coursera.  I can say I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
the IBM
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Data
Science Professional Certificate.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace



I will be grateful if you give me the chance to attend this program.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
know that I can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
contribution.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Respectfully
,

Possible spelling mistake found.
Reihaneh
Possible spelling mistake found.
Baghishani
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IELTS letter ENERAL STATEMENT of PURPOSE

Letter
  American English
6 paragraphs
452 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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