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describe your hometown. where is your hometown

describe your hometown. where is your hometown aXPY
Bac Ninh, one of the smallest provinces in Viet Nam, is my hometown. Bac Ninh is located in the North of Viet Nam and is next to Ha Noi capital, Bac Giang province, Hai Duong province and Hung Yen province. Bac Ninh is a province of folk songs, everytime folk music is mentioned, people immediately think of Bac Ninh. It is also the hometown of many celebrities such as comedian Xuan Hinh, Tu Long, singer Tung Duong, Hoa Minzy, young talented music genius- Duc Vinh, . . . . Bac Ninh has about 41 festivals still being hold uptil now, as well as hundreds of professions such as making silk, ceramics, bronze casting, silver station, wood carving, paper making, folk painting…. Bac Ninh has obvious differencies in the 4-season weather, summers are usually very hot and humid but winters are very cold and droughty; the estimated average temperature in a year is 23, 3 Celsius. Although Bac Ninh is small but it’s a region with a relatively developing economy through the time. Buliding industry and services are growing, but agriculture still accounts for the highest proportion in the GDP. The thing I like most about my hometown is the way people live and treating each other. The people there are very easy-going, hard-working, hospitable, sometimes they are quite strict but are still warm-hearted, caring and devoted. Everytime I go back there, I feel really closed, beloved, and relieved like I have escaped from the busy life of the city. I love Bac Ninh a lot and I hope one day, I can do something just to contribute to the development of my hometown
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Bac
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Ninh
, one of the smallest
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provinces
in
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Viet
Nam, is my
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hometown
.
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Bac
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Ninh
is located
in the North of
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Viet
Nam and is
next
to Ha
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Noi
capital,
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Bac
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Giang
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province
,
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Hai
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Duong
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province
and Hung Yen
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province
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
Bac
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Ninh
is a
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province
of folk songs,
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everytime
folk music
is mentioned
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
immediately
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of
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Bac
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Ninh
. It is
also
the
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hometown
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
celebrities such as comedian
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Xuan
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Hinh
, Tu Long, singer
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Tung
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Duong
,
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Hoa
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Minzy
, young talented music genius-
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Duc
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Vinh
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, .
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
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Bac
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Ninh
has about 41 festivals
still
being hold
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uptil
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now
,
as well
as hundreds of professions such as making silk, ceramics, bronze casting, silver station, wood carving, paper making, folk painting….
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Bac
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Ninh
has obvious
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differencies
in the 4-season weather, summers are
usually
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very
hot and humid
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but
winters are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
and
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droughty
; the estimated average temperature in a year is 23, 3 Celsius. Although
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Bac
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Ninh
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it’s a region with a
relatively
developing economy through the time.
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Buliding
industry and services are growing,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
agriculture
still
accounts for the highest proportion in the GDP. The thing I like most about my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hometown
is the way
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
and treating each other. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easy-going,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-working, hospitable,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
they are quite strict
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
are
still
warm-hearted, caring and devoted.
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Everytime
I go back there, I feel
really
closed, beloved, and relieved like I have escaped from the busy life of the city. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
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Bac
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Ninh
a lot and I hope one day, I can do something
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to contribute to the development of my
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
hometown
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IELTS letter describe your hometown. where is your hometown

Letter
  American English
1 paragraphs
272 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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