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Describe Future of Karabakh

Describe Future of Karabakh rK3Pl
I am not originally from Karabakh, but I have heard a lot about this region. In fact I have a friend whose family is from Agdam and I have always heard his stories about history and culture of Karabakh. It was really interesting for me to listen to his fascinating and at the same time heartwarming stories about his native region. I felt how sad his eyes were when he talked about Karabakh as it was occupied by Armenians. I have always dreamed that his native land will be returned back and he would get the chance to visit Agdam. From his talks and from the information that I got from TV, media and books I assumed that Karabakh is considered as a pearl of Azerbaijan so I decided to find out more about the nature, economy and culture of this beautiful region. The region in the south-west of Azerbaijan includes the areas of Jabrayil, Fizuli, Khojavend, Aghdam, Khojaly, Tartar, Shusha, Khankendi, Barda, Kalbajar, Lachin, Qubadli, Zangilan, Aghjabadi, and Beylagan. The relief is mainly mountainous. There are a lot of strikingly beautiful mountains, as Murovdagh, Gizgala mountain, Girkhgiz mountain and others. Furthermore, one of the large and apparently deep lakes of Karabakh - Boyuk Alagol and Kichik Alagol are located in Kalbajar region. The lakes were formed as a result of volcanic eruptions and river crossings. The most famous and delightful flower of Karabakh is Khari Bulbul, which is associated with the town of Shusha. By the way Khari Bulbul is now also a symbol of Azerbaijan's victory in The Second Karabakh War. Furthermore, Karabakh is a place with rich history and culture. Historically Karabakh was famous with its music, art and literature. Karabakh is the motherland for such famous and talented people like poet Khurshidbanu Natavan, folk and opera singer Bulbul, folk singer Khan Shushinski, composer Uzeyir Hajibeyov and others. I really hope that one day all historical monuments and musical traditions of Karabakh will be fully restored. When I think about the future of Karabakh, I dream to see this region as a very prosperous and technologically modern land. Before The First Karabakh War the population of this region was approximately around 150, 000. In 1990s the economy of Karabakh was well developed, where the trade was flourishing and the tourism was very popular. Today most cities and villages in Karabakh are fully ruined with completely destroyed infrastructure. Now it's a primary task for our government to reconstruct the economy of Karabakh and restore a wealthy life in the region. As the region is rich in natural beauties it can become a centre of tourism. To attract tourists to Karabakh, we need to build modern buildings but keep traditions of ancient Karabakh architecture. Likewise, we need to organize concerts, festivals and ethnic-national events. Recently, the Kharibulbul music festival was held in Shusha with the initiative of Ilham Aliyev, the President of the Republic of Azerbaijan and organized by the Heydar Aliyev Foundation. Another great idea is to build monuments in different regions to people who played an outstanding role in the culture of Karabakh and to those who lost their lives in the Karabakh war. As Karabakh will become a tourist attraction again, it is important to build modern hotels there. The first step has already been done by the opening of the first hotel in Shusha which is called ‘’Khari Bulbul’’ after reconstruction. These are only the first steps in order to fully restore the life in Karabakh. We ought to build new residential buildings, schools, hospitals, shops, museums and other essential facilities. As a great football fan I would suggest to build big football stadiums and other sport facilities to provide international sport events in Karabakh. I sincerely believe that Karabakh will have a bright future because it's the very beautiful land with great culture and rich national resources. Today we have a lot of projects and plans about the future of Karabakh and I hope that one day we will see them realized. We will do our best to realize all the new projects because Karabakh is Azerbaijan! ! ! I am really happy that all our occupied lands were liberated after 30 years of occupation by Armenians. All Azerbaijani people are grateful to everyone who contributed to the victory in the Second Karabakh War. Rest in peace to all our martyrs who lost their lives for the liberation of our lands from Armenian occupants.
I am not
originally
from
Possible spelling mistake found.
Karabakh
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I have heard a lot about this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
region
. In
The comma is probably missing here: "fact, I".
fact I
have a friend whose family is from
Possible spelling mistake found.
Agdam
and I have always heard his stories about history and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Karabakh
. It was
The extreme adjective for interesting is "fascinating", or "exciting".
really interesting
for me to listen to his fascinating and at the same time heartwarming stories about his native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
region
. I felt how sad his eyes were when he talked about
Possible spelling mistake found.
Karabakh
as it
was occupied
by Armenians. I have always dreamed that his native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
land
will be
Consider using "returned".
returned back
and he would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the chance to visit
Possible spelling mistake found.
Agdam
. From his talks and from the information that I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
from TV, media and books I assumed that
Possible spelling mistake found.
Karabakh
is considered
as a pearl of Azerbaijan
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I decided to find out more about the nature, economy and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
of this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
region.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
region
in the south-west of Azerbaijan includes the areas of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Jabrayil
,
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Fizuli
,
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Khojavend
,
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Aghdam
,
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Khojaly
, Tartar,
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Shusha
,
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Khankendi
,
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Barda
,
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Kalbajar
,
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Lachin
,
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Qubadli
,
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Zangilan
,
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Aghjabadi
, and
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Beylagan
. The relief is
mainly
mountainous. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
strikingly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
mountains, as
Possible spelling mistake found.
Murovdagh
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Gizgala
mountain,
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Girkhgiz
mountain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
.
Furthermore
, one of the large and
apparently
deep lakes of
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Karabakh
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
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Boyuk
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Alagol
and
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Kichik
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Alagol
are located
in
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Kalbajar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
region
. The lakes
were formed
as a result
of volcanic eruptions and river crossings. The most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
and delightful flower of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Karabakh
is
Possible spelling mistake found.
Khari
Possible spelling mistake found.
Bulbul
, which
is associated
with the town of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Shusha
. By the way
Possible spelling mistake found.
Khari
Possible spelling mistake found.
Bulbul
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
also
a symbol of Azerbaijan's victory in The Second
Possible spelling mistake found.
Karabakh
War.

Furthermore
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Karabakh
is a place with rich history and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
.
Historically
Possible spelling mistake found.
Karabakh
was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
with its music, art and literature.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Karabakh
is the motherland for such
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
and talented
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
like poet
Possible spelling mistake found.
Khurshidbanu
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Natavan
, folk and opera singer
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Bulbul
, folk singer Khan
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Shushinski
, composer
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Uzeyir
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Hajibeyov
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
. I
really
hope that one day all historical monuments and musical traditions of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Karabakh
will be
fully
restored.

When I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about the future of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Karabakh
, I dream to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
region
as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
prosperous and
technologically
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
land
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
First
Possible spelling mistake found.
Karabakh
War the population of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
region
was approximately around 150, 000.
The article is probably missing here: "In the 1990s".
In 1990s
the economy of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Karabakh
was
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well developed
, where the trade was flourishing and the tourism was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
popular.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
most cities and villages in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Karabakh
are
fully
ruined with completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
infrastructure.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
it's a primary task for our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to reconstruct the economy of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Karabakh
and restore a wealthy life in the region.

“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
region
is rich in natural beauties it can become a
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
of tourism. To attract tourists to
Possible spelling mistake found.
Karabakh
, we need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
build
modern buildings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
traditions of ancient
Possible spelling mistake found.
Karabakh
architecture.
Likewise
, we need to organize concerts, festivals and ethnic-national
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
. Recently, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kharibulbul
music festival
was held
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Shusha
with the initiative of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ilham
Possible spelling mistake found.
Aliyev
, the President of the Republic of Azerbaijan and organized by the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Heydar
Possible spelling mistake found.
Aliyev
Foundation. Another great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
is to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
build
monuments in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regions
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
played an outstanding role in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Karabakh
and to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
lost their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Karabakh
war.

As
Possible spelling mistake found.
Karabakh
will become a tourist attraction again, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
build
modern hotels there. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
step has already
been done
by the opening of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
hotel in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Shusha
which
is called
‘’
Possible spelling mistake found.
Khari
Possible spelling mistake found.
Bulbul
’’ after reconstruction. These are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
steps in order to
fully
restore the life in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Karabakh
. We ought to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
build
new residential buildings, schools, hospitals, shops, museums and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
essential facilities. As a great football fan I would suggest to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
build
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
football stadiums and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
sport facilities to provide international sport
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Karabakh
.

I
sincerely
believe that
Possible spelling mistake found.
Karabakh
will have a bright future
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it's the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
land
with great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and rich national resources.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
we have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
projects and plans about the future of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Karabakh
and I hope that one day we will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
them realized. We will do our best to realize all the new projects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
Possible spelling mistake found.
Karabakh
is Azerbaijan! ! ! I am
really
happy that all our occupied
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lands
were liberated
after 30 years of occupation by Armenians. All Azerbaijani
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are grateful to everyone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
contributed to the victory in the Second
Possible spelling mistake found.
Karabakh
War. Rest in peace to all our martyrs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
lost their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
for the liberation of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lands
from Armenian occupants.
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IELTS letter Describe Future of Karabakh

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
740 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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