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describe a local environmental issue that affects you, explain what you would like to do to help, suggest how can it be avoided in the future

describe a local environmental issue that affects you, explain what you would like to do to help, suggest how can it be avoided in the future 26BWw
Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing in connection with the advertisement you published recently in your newspaper regarding the environmental initiatives in our city. Let me bring to your attention an issue we have in our community. A large amount of garbage are floating on the surface of our city lake which we use for drinking, that waste is poisoning the water and harming the marine life. On this occasion, I would like to offer help with aid from three coworkers to clean the lake through the weekend, and remove all of the garbage on the lake sides. Also, I would like to offer some suggestions to prevent this from happening again; We can add some signs around the lake prohibit people from throughing their waste in the lake, additionally we can make some advertisements to increase people awareness of its consequences. I hope you take this into consideration. Yours faithfully, Amr Masoud
Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing in connection with the advertisement you published recently in your newspaper regarding the environmental initiatives in our city.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
me bring to your attention an issue we have in our community. A large amount of garbage are floating on the surface of our city
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lake
which we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
for drinking, that waste is poisoning the water and harming the marine life.

On this occasion, I would like to offer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
with aid from three coworkers to clean the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lake
through the weekend, and remove
Consider using "all the".
all of the
garbage on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lake
sides.

Also
, I would like to offer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
suggestions to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
this from happening again; We can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
signs around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lake
prohibit
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from
Possible spelling mistake found.
throughing
their waste in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lake
,
additionally
we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advertisements to increase
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
awareness of its consequences.

I hope you take this into consideration.

Yours
faithfully
,

Possible spelling mistake found.
Amr
Possible spelling mistake found.
Masoud

IELTS letter describe a local environmental issue that affects you, explain what you would like to do to help, suggest how can it be avoided in the future

Letter
  American English
8 paragraphs
153 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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