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Describe a day when you thought the weather was perfect

Today I’m going to talk about a day when I thought the weather was just too excellent. I experienced such a perfect day about a few months ago when I decided to take a walk outside of my house on fine summer evening. By that time, the sun had very died down and I smelt the soil around me. The temperature was so pleasant that I didn’t want to step inside. A very gentle breeze was also blowing past my ears to offer me even more fresh feeling around me. I though the weather was perfect on that day because it made me feel very alive and energetic. I probably had walked for almost 2 hours and yet never felt a hint of tiredness in me. It felt perfect also because the nature around me on that day was so fresh
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
I’m going to talk about a day when I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
the weather was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
too excellent.

I experienced such a perfect day about a few months ago when I decided to take a walk
This phrase is redundant. Consider using “outside”.
outside of
my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
on fine summer evening.

By that time, the sun had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
down and
I smelt
Consider using “the surrounding soil”.
the soil around me
.

The temperature was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
pleasant that I didn’t want to step inside.

A
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
gentle breeze was
also
blowing past my ears to offer me even more fresh feeling around me.

I though the weather was perfect on that day
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it made me feel
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
alive and energetic.

I
probably
had walked for almost 2 hours and
yet
never felt a hint of tiredness in me.

It felt perfect
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
Consider using “the surrounding nature”.
the nature around me
on that day was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
fresh

IELTS letter Describe a day when you thought the weather was perfect

Letter
  American English
8 paragraphs
140 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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