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Cleaning Job Application for a position of a housekeeper

Cleaning Job Application for a position of a housekeeper A3B6M
Dear Sir/Madam, I’m writing this letter in response to the vacancy for housekeeper as advertised in the “Daily News” on 6th of November 2007. I have worked for the “Care-givers” home for 5 years and thereafter was transferred to the main branch in Durban. This branch caters for two hundred people. I was appointed the supervisor, with five staff reporting to me. I have gained much experience in planning, organizing and leading in this job. I have worked with all types of people and know how to handle any problems that may arise. The reason why I would like to apply for this job is because your private home would benefit from my experience. I would be able to give much more attention to the needs of the home due to its size. My credentials speaks for itself which is attached for your perusal. I await to an interview to further discuss my experience with you. I hope to hear from you soon. Yours faithfully, M Munsamy
Dear Sir/Madam,

I’m writing this letter in response to the vacancy for housekeeper as advertised in the “Daily News” on 6th of November 2007.

I have worked for the “Care-givers” home for 5 years and thereafter
was transferred
to the main branch in Durban. This branch caters for two hundred
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. I
was appointed
the supervisor, with five
Use a plural noun after 'five' or use "staff members".
staff
reporting to me. I have gained much experience in planning, organizing and leading in this job.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
have worked with all types of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and know how to handle any problems that may arise.

The reason why I would like to apply for this job is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
your private home would benefit from my experience. I would be able to give much more attention to the needs of the home due to its size. My credentials
You should probably use "speak".
speaks
for itself which
is attached
for your perusal. I await to an interview to
further
discuss my experience with you. I hope to hear from you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
. Yours
faithfully
, M
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
Munsamy
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IELTS letter Cleaning Job Application for a position of a housekeeper

Letter
  American English
4 paragraphs
166 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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