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Asking information about working abroad.

Asking information about working abroad. 06OY3
Dear mr Watson. I am writing to enquire about taking Chinese lessons with you. I read the article in today’s edition of local newspaper “Work and Business” I believe that your teaching course is suitable for me which I have been looking for a native speaker for two months I particularly keen on learning the language like yourself because of this I extremely desire on your timetables have a space for me in addition to this If you could find spare time I would be grateful. The reason why I strongly want to learn Chinese language is that I am going to abroad for six months to study besides that to earn money. Moreover by their interesting complex monuments compel me to investigate its culture. Can you say me whether I can learn or not during two weeks furthermore I am a little aware of Chinese language as a consequence of this personally can manage it otherwise I get rid of and change my goals. I am looking forward to hearing from you as soon as possible. Kind regards. Angela Joe.
Dear
Possible spelling mistake found.
mr
Watson. I am writing to
Possible spelling mistake. 'enquire' is British English.
enquire
about taking Chinese lessons with you. I read the article in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s edition of local newspaper “Work and Business” I believe that your teaching course is suitable for me which I have been looking for a native speaker for two months I
particularly
keen on learning the language like yourself
because of this
I
extremely
desire on your timetables have a space for me
in addition
to this If you could find spare time I would be grateful. The reason why I
strongly
want to learn Chinese language is that I am
There isn't usually a preposition before "abroad". Did you mean "going abroad"?
going to abroad
for six months to study
besides
that to earn money.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
by their interesting complex monuments compel me to investigate its culture. Can you
'Say' cannot be followed by a direct personal object. Did you mean "tell"?
say
me whether I can learn or not during two weeks
furthermore
I am a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
aware of Chinese language as a consequence of this
personally
can manage it
otherwise
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
my goals. I am looking forward to hearing from you as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible. Kind regards. Angela Joe.
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IELTS letter Asking information about working abroad.

Letter
  American English
1 paragraphs
181 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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