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As an international student in Sweden, you have an account with a local bank. The monthly bank transfer you receive from your parents has been delayed this month due to an error at your parents’ bank. v.1

As an international student in Sweden, you have an account with a local bank. The monthly bank transfer you receive from your parents has been delayed this month due to an error at your parents’ bank. v. 1
Dear Sir or Madam, I am an international student at the University of Gothenburg and manage a checking account with your bank. My parents send me tuition fees and monthly expenses to your bank from Iran. Due to an error at the originating bank in Iran, I am unable to receive my payment in September. Now I am hoping you would grant me a loan. My account number with your branch is 000215478544 and I receive money from my parents each month. They send the money from the Iran Zamin Bank in Tehran and if you look at my statement you will notice that I receive around 20 thousand Swedish Kronor on an average every month. This time a mistake from the originating bank, the Iran Zamin Bank, caused the trouble and my payment was withheld. However, I need the money to pay my house rent and my university exam fee. If I can't those in time, I would be in great trouble. I would, therefore, request you to grant me a short-term loan of 30 thousand Swedish Kronor which I will repay within the next six months. I will receive the fund from my parents and once the withheld payment is disbursed, I can start repaying. Thank you for giving the matter your attention and I hope to hear from you regarding this. Yours faithfully, Hassan Mustafizur
Dear Sir or Madam,

I am an international student at the University of Gothenburg and manage a checking account with your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bank
. My parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
me tuition fees and monthly expenses to your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bank
from Iran. Due to an error at the originating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bank
in Iran, I am unable to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
receive
my payment in September.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
I am hoping you would grant me a loan.

My account number with your branch is 000215478544 and I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
receive
money from my parents each month. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
the money from the Iran
Possible spelling mistake found.
Zamin
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Bank
in Tehran and if you look at my statement you will notice that I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
receive
around 20 thousand Swedish Kronor on an average every month. This time a mistake from the originating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bank
, the Iran
Possible spelling mistake found.
Zamin
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Bank
, caused the trouble and my payment
was withheld
.
However
, I need the money to pay my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
rent and my university exam fee. If I can't those in time, I would be in great trouble.

I would,
therefore
, request you to grant me a short-term loan of 30 thousand Swedish Kronor which I will repay within the
next
six months. I will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
receive
the fund from my parents and once the withheld payment
is disbursed
, I can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
repaying.

Thank you for giving the matter your attention and I hope to hear from you regarding this.

Yours
faithfully
,

Hassan
Possible spelling mistake found.
Mustafizur
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS letter As an international student in Sweden, you have an account with a local bank. The monthly bank transfer you receive from your parents has been delayed this month due to an error at your parents’ bank. v. 1

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
227 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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