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Apply for a job in Australia. Explain why you want this job and how you are a suitable candidate

Apply for a job in Australia. Explain why you want this job and how you are a suitable candidate ox9Pb
I am writing to you with an interest in applying for the position you advertised for in an Australian Magazine. Currently, I am employed as a child-care professional and live with a family whilst taking care of their four-year-old boy, Tim. Tim is a great kid and I thoroughly enjoy the time I have spent with my employers. However, they are moving out from Singapore to London, and I am in search of a new employment opportunity. It is in this context that I came across your advertisement and the prospect of moving to Australia, excites me. I feel confident that I will be a suitable candidate to live with your family and take care of your six-year-old child as I am a trained childcare professional and have over two years of experience living with three different families and taking care of six children, aged 2-10 years. Prior to taking care of children, I used to work as a teacher’s aide primarily working with kindergarten children. I am also a qualified first-aid administration and have often found this skill to be handy when caring for children. I am calm and patient with children and can take care of them well. If you wish so, I can get you references from all three of my previous employers. Although I have not visited Australia, I foresee a smooth transition from Singapore, where I have been living for the last 10 years. I am an avid birdwatcher and often spend my free time visiting nature reserves and observing birds and other wildlife. The spending time in the Australian outback would be a great opportunity for me to observe the fauna and flora on the big continent. I am particularly interested in visiting the coastal forests and the deserts in search of spiders. I hope you will consider my application. I look forward to hearing from you about scheduling my interview for this position. Please do not hesitate to contact me either on my handphone or my email for any further queries. In anticipation of a favourable response, Yours sincerely, Seshadri.
I am writing to you with an interest in applying for the position you advertised for in an Australian Magazine.
Currently
, I
am employed
as a child-care professional and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with a family whilst taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of their four-year-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
boy, Tim. Tim is a great kid and I
thoroughly
enjoy the time I have spent with my employers.
However
, they are moving out from Singapore to London, and I am in search of a new employment opportunity. It is in this context that I came across your advertisement and the prospect of moving to Australia, excites me.

I feel confident that I will be a suitable candidate to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with your family and take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of your six-year-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
child as I am a trained childcare professional and have over two years of experience living with three
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
families and taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of six
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, aged 2-10 years. Prior to taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to work as a teacher’s aide
primarily
working with kindergarten
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. I am
also
a qualified
first
-aid administration and have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
found this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
to be handy when caring for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. I am calm and patient with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and can take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of them well. If you wish
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, I can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
you references from all three of my previous employers.

Although I have not visited Australia, I foresee a smooth transition from Singapore, where I have been living for the last 10 years. I am an avid birdwatcher and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
spend my free time visiting nature reserves and observing birds and other wildlife. The spending time in the Australian outback would be a great opportunity for me to observe the fauna and flora on the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
continent. I am
particularly
interested in visiting the coastal forests and the deserts in search of spiders.

I hope you will consider my application.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
look forward to hearing from you about scheduling my interview for this position.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Please
do not hesitate to contact me either on my
Possible spelling mistake found.
handphone
or my email for any
further
queries.

In anticipation of a
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
response,

Yours
sincerely
,

Possible spelling mistake found.
Seshadri
.
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IELTS letter Apply for a job in Australia. Explain why you want this job and how you are a suitable candidate

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
347 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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