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Although you have never formally studied computing, you have always been interested in computers. You have just read about a computer course that really interests you, but it is only for people who have completed an elementary course. WRITE A LETTER TO THE COLLEGE ENROLMENT OFFICER In your letter: ·explain why you are writing ·describe your circumstances ·ask if a special exception can be made for you so you can enrol in the course You do NOT need to write any addresses. Begin your letter as follows:

Dear Sir, My name is James Smith and I am currently working as a full time manager in a motor vehicle company in the north-west region of the city. I am writing this letter with regards to computer course your institute is offering this spring. I am really interested in the course, but I have not completed the prerequisite for this new middle level course. I did my under graduation in mechanics. After graduation, I started working as a mechanic in a North Car Company. Due to my dedication and continuous learning attitude, I am manager of the two stores of company in the area. Even though I did not obtain any official course credit in elementary computing, but due to my keen interest in computers, I made myself capable of operating a computer. As computer Knowledge is very crucial part of any business requirement. I did educate myself in different areas, such as Microsoft Word, Excel, and Outlook for emails. Being a manager, I have to use computers to perform various functions at work for sending emails to clients, making monthly employee work reports, creating time sheets templates, etc. When I read the elementary level course curriculum, I realized that I already have the skills and knowledge that is going to be teach in the course. Also, I am ready to give a mock exam, if you want to check my basic level knowledge of computers. So, I will really appreciate if you can waive the elementary course requirement for me and grant me permission to enrol in the new course in January 2019. I am looking forward for a positive reply. Thank you! James Smith
Dear Sir,

My name is James
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
Smith and
I am
currently
working as a full time manager in a motor vehicle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
in the north-west region of the city. I am writing this letter
Use “in regard to”, “with regard to”, or more simply “regarding”.
with regards to
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
your institute is offering this spring. I am
really
interested in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I have not completed the prerequisite for this new middle level course.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
did my under graduation in mechanics. After graduation, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
working as a mechanic in a North Car
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Company
. Due to my dedication and continuous learning attitude, I am manager of the two stores of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
in the area.
Even though
I did not obtain any official
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
credit in elementary computing,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
due to my keen interest in computers, I made myself capable of operating a computer.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
computer Knowledge is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
crucial part of any business requirement. I did educate myself in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
areas, such as Microsoft Word, Excel, and Outlook for emails. Being a manager, I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
computers to perform various functions at work for sending emails to clients, making monthly employee work reports, creating time sheets templates, etc.

When I read the elementary level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
curriculum, I realized that I already have the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and knowledge
that is
going to be
The past participle is required after “to be”.
teach
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
.
Also
, I am ready to give a mock exam, if you want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
my basic level knowledge of computers.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I will
really
appreciate if you can waive the elementary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
requirement for me and grant me permission to enrol in the new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
in January 2019.

I am looking forward for a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
reply.

Thank you!

James Smith
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IELTS letter Although you have never formally studied computing, you have always been interested in computers. You have just read about a computer course that really interests you, but it is only for people who have completed an elementary course. WRITE A LETTER TO THE COLLEGE ENROLMENT OFFICER In your letter: ·explain why you are writing ·describe your circumstances ·ask if a special exception can be made for you so you can enrol in the course You do NOT need to write any addresses. Begin your letter as follows:

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
276 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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