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You are going to study at a college in the UK next year. You would like to stay in the college Hall of Residence. v.1

You are going to study at a college in the UK next year. You would like to stay in the college Hall of Residence. v. 1
Dear Sir or Madam, I have recently enrolled in your college and my class will commence at the beginning of next year. I am writing to request you to arrange my accommodation in the college hostel or suggest an alternative. My major is 'Economics' and my class will start in August 2020. I will travel from Japan would prefer to stay in the college residence hall. I would like a single room either on the second or third floor with the air-conditioner and laundry facilities. My first preference is to stay at the college hostel. I am a vegetarian and would like to know if our college canteen is vegetarian-friendly. If this is not included in the dining room, would you please inform me if I can avail vegetarian diets from a nearby restaurant? If so, how far those restaurants are? If no suitable room is available in the college hall, would you please suggest me a suitable place to stay in the vicinity of the college? I can share the room with another student and would be ready to pay higher, but the air-conditioner, vegetarian-friendly meals and laundry service are indispensable as they are the foremost factors I am considering now. Looking forward to getting a reply from you. Yours faithfully, Johnny Quan
Dear Sir or Madam,

I have recently enrolled in your college and my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
will commence at the beginning of
next
year. I am writing to request you to arrange my accommodation in the college hostel or suggest an alternative.

My major is 'Economics' and my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
in August 2020. I will travel from Japan would prefer to stay in the college residence hall. I would like a single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
either on the second or third floor with the air-conditioner and laundry facilities. My
first
preference is to stay at the college hostel.

I am a vegetarian and would like to know if our college canteen is vegetarian-friendly. If this is not included in the dining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
, would you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
please
inform me if I can avail vegetarian diets from a nearby restaurant? If
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, how far those restaurants are?

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
If
no suitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
is available in the college hall, would you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
please
suggest me a suitable place to stay in the vicinity of the college? I can share the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
with another student and would be ready to pay higher,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the air-conditioner, vegetarian-friendly meals and laundry service are indispensable as they are the foremost factors I am considering
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.

Looking forward to getting a reply from you.

Yours
faithfully
,

Johnny
Possible spelling mistake found.
Quan
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS letter You are going to study at a college in the UK next year. You would like to stay in the college Hall of Residence. v. 1

Letter
  American English
8 paragraphs
213 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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